TGA Tour heads back to Ile Bizzard, and its a virgin round on the nearby course for Stiffy and Alice, despite the proximity of their homes to the course. Papa Hicks, his buddy Andy, Alice's buddy Michele, Lemur , Gazebo and Geary make up a full set of two tee times.
Arrival at the course sees gazebo already on the practice range, having camped out with his kids overnight, he's been at the course since before dawn as he couldn't handle the amount of ganga is nippers were smoking. The rain has not wicked up his leg on this occasion , so the length of his practice time cannot be independently verified. The TGA tour stars all enthuse about the price of the round.. 65 bucks, including free range balls (Gazebo has hit around 1300 so he calculates that the money he's saved means that the course now owes him money), free water, free pull cart (trolley in brit-speak) if you need it !...what a deal!.
Alice, Michele, Gaz and Geary (now to be named Domino until someone comes up with something better, as he's got more slice than a Domino's pizza !) head up the groups, with the second group ready to buzz their towers if alice is a slow as usual. 9not likely me thinks)
The skys darken, and after teeing off at the 6th, Lemur advises Stiffy that we were going to be taken off the course in a minute. 2 seconds later, the claxxon goes off signalling course evacuation. group 2 head straight for the clubhouse for a hearty breakfast and to watch the end of the grand prix. Unfortunatley, group 1 push on. The group had the excellent idea of taking shelter in the latrine on the course. 4 guys in the loo... hmmmm , i was wondering why they were all holding back smiles when Lemur met them on the 8th green with an electric cart and offers to ferry them back to the club house. The damp TGA tour stars arrive back in the club house, with Domino about to tuck into Lemurs breakfast... after Lemur went out on to the course to retrieve him !> What thanks is that??
An hour or so later, after watching Hamilton win his first grand prix of the season, the stars are back out onto a rather soggy course!.
The second group has fun for the rest of the round, and due to the 19th hole being after the 5th, and before the 6th 2nd shot, or after the 8th, or whatevva, the first group makes a quick getaway. Personally i think its Alice and Gazebo evading paying me for no birdies and 34 puts, but knowing the little devils, they probably went round the whole course missing green deliberately !
Late news from the first group, that after restarting after the rain delay, they play a not-so well 9th hole, with Alice and Gazebo putting it in the water next to the green. unfortunately, the 9th hole doesn't have any water next to the green, even after the downpour. Hmmm.. note to team.. playing the right course is helpful, esspecially as Alice is having a superb round, and this was one of his few dropped shot holes!.
on to next week, and the race for the TGA Tour trophy is really hotting up (unlike Papa Hicks putter today).
July 24th - Caughnawaga (mid week event!)
Gazebo's TGA Tour blog entry!! (just coz he books a tee time, he's now thinking that he's all organised and decides to make a blog contribution !.. he must be really fed up of being on holiday!)
Over to Gazebo....
Attending TGA Tour regulars, Lemur, Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
Gazebo shows up to find Papa Hicks being schooled on the driving range by, I didn't catch his name but if he showed up at my front door I
would be inclined to call him Matt, a man with no legs and only one arm. Lemur announces his bag of balls (the ones purchased from the
clubhouse) has filled him with confidence and he will be having a stellar round. Gazebo hopes he doesn't have to hit a wedge this round.
Bets today are the usual putting contest between Lemur and Gazebo, and a match play contest that pitts Lemur against the formidible duo of
Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
First tee and the threesome are joined by Ha-Lee, a sweet quiet little woman who outdrives us all on most holes.
Lemur starts by rolling in a 20 foot putt on the first hole for a BIRDIE, a one hole lead in the match, $1 from Gazebo and ... ( do other
TGA tour vets owe him $2 if they are not there ? ) The shy Ha-Lee mentions how short she feels and Gazebo realizes that, at 6'2", he is by
far the shortest male in the foursome. Ha-Lee is about the same height as Matt (without the prosthetics).
Holes 2-6 are all the same, Lemur hits good drive, good approach, good putt. Papa Hicks hits good drive, good approach bad
putt(s)...Gazebo hits good drive, bad approach, penalty stroke, good putt. Lemur is up 3 holes in the match by the time we get to the
seventh hole.
Most holes Ha-Lee is hiding behind a tree while the 3 big men hit from the Blue tee's. On the 7th she is standing off at a 45 degree angle
while Gazebo tries to hit an 8 iron 170 yds to the par 3. Gazebo proceeds to hit his tee shot at a 25 degree angle sending Ha-Lee behind a
tree where she pulls out her cell phone. Lemur suggest she is calling her husband to pick her up...QUICK. Papa Hicks doesn't like the use
of cell phones on the golf course so he hits a low stinger through Ha-Lee's tee box, almost ringing it off the garbage keg. After 9 holes
Ha-Lee announces she has had enough.
The front nine has Lemur comfortably ahead 3 holes in the match but down $3 to Gazebo's hot putter. The 10th hole sees Gazebo only having
to Two-putt from 3 feet to win the hole but Lemur still walks to the 11th tee with a 3 hole lead.
On the 13th, Lemur and Gazebo are rudely discussing Transhumnism as a religion while Papa Hicks is teeing off. His failed tee shot
obviously caused by the thoughtlessness of his fellow competitors, he tees up another. Lemur blinks his left eye EXACTLY when Papa Hicks
starts his downswing (when are the British going to learn manners) and Papa Hicks gets another do-over. This time he takes full advantage
and almost reaches the fairway. Lemur plays the 13 pretending he is Gazebo, big drive, bad approach, chip, chip, chip, putt, putt and his
lead has been reduced.
Alas, a couple of holes later Lemur wins the match 3 and 2. Once the match was in hand Lemur starts missing greens on purpose and ends up
with 31 putts to Gazebos 32 putts :-( Papa hicks hits the green on the 208 yd 17th (no, he didn't par) and Gazebo finished 6 inches short
of breaking 100.
A couple of Molson Dry's in the clubhouse to celebrate a great afternoon without a drop of rain.
Over to Gazebo....
Attending TGA Tour regulars, Lemur, Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
Gazebo shows up to find Papa Hicks being schooled on the driving range by, I didn't catch his name but if he showed up at my front door I
would be inclined to call him Matt, a man with no legs and only one arm. Lemur announces his bag of balls (the ones purchased from the
clubhouse) has filled him with confidence and he will be having a stellar round. Gazebo hopes he doesn't have to hit a wedge this round.
Bets today are the usual putting contest between Lemur and Gazebo, and a match play contest that pitts Lemur against the formidible duo of
Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
First tee and the threesome are joined by Ha-Lee, a sweet quiet little woman who outdrives us all on most holes.
Lemur starts by rolling in a 20 foot putt on the first hole for a BIRDIE, a one hole lead in the match, $1 from Gazebo and ... ( do other
TGA tour vets owe him $2 if they are not there ? ) The shy Ha-Lee mentions how short she feels and Gazebo realizes that, at 6'2", he is by
far the shortest male in the foursome. Ha-Lee is about the same height as Matt (without the prosthetics).
Holes 2-6 are all the same, Lemur hits good drive, good approach, good putt. Papa Hicks hits good drive, good approach bad
putt(s)...Gazebo hits good drive, bad approach, penalty stroke, good putt. Lemur is up 3 holes in the match by the time we get to the
seventh hole.
Most holes Ha-Lee is hiding behind a tree while the 3 big men hit from the Blue tee's. On the 7th she is standing off at a 45 degree angle
while Gazebo tries to hit an 8 iron 170 yds to the par 3. Gazebo proceeds to hit his tee shot at a 25 degree angle sending Ha-Lee behind a
tree where she pulls out her cell phone. Lemur suggest she is calling her husband to pick her up...QUICK. Papa Hicks doesn't like the use
of cell phones on the golf course so he hits a low stinger through Ha-Lee's tee box, almost ringing it off the garbage keg. After 9 holes
Ha-Lee announces she has had enough.
The front nine has Lemur comfortably ahead 3 holes in the match but down $3 to Gazebo's hot putter. The 10th hole sees Gazebo only having
to Two-putt from 3 feet to win the hole but Lemur still walks to the 11th tee with a 3 hole lead.
On the 13th, Lemur and Gazebo are rudely discussing Transhumnism as a religion while Papa Hicks is teeing off. His failed tee shot
obviously caused by the thoughtlessness of his fellow competitors, he tees up another. Lemur blinks his left eye EXACTLY when Papa Hicks
starts his downswing (when are the British going to learn manners) and Papa Hicks gets another do-over. This time he takes full advantage
and almost reaches the fairway. Lemur plays the 13 pretending he is Gazebo, big drive, bad approach, chip, chip, chip, putt, putt and his
lead has been reduced.
Alas, a couple of holes later Lemur wins the match 3 and 2. Once the match was in hand Lemur starts missing greens on purpose and ends up
with 31 putts to Gazebos 32 putts :-( Papa hicks hits the green on the 208 yd 17th (no, he didn't par) and Gazebo finished 6 inches short
of breaking 100.
A couple of Molson Dry's in the clubhouse to celebrate a great afternoon without a drop of rain.
July 19th - Ile Perrot - E-p-i-c-o-r Golf Day
No TGA Tour event this week as a bunch of the players were at Ile Perrot for the E-p-i-c-o-r Golf Day (organised by lemur and Dagenator.. who then teamed up.. lit up the course.. won.. then politely didn't win.. but got a decent prize anyway..).. A grand day.
July 11th - Ile De Montreal
OK.. so I should have posted this blog WEEKS ago, but, no one's reading it, so who cares !.. ;-)
A group of 6 TGA tour pros heading to the east end. Crack, Alicve, VFM, Dagenator, Lemur, and Graeme (2nd appearance on tour.. gonna have to name him soon!)
Graeme, Crack and Lemur team up for the 18, with the other chaps bringing up the rear (ooer).
Crack decides after the first hole that he's not in the birdie competition for the day, and the threesome debate whether dropping out after the game has started is allowable, then he decides he's in, and the debate continues.. If he'd birdies the first he would have definitely been in, so Crack is informed he is in breach of TGA rules and must play the remainder of the round shirtless. second thoughts.. not a great idea ..
Other round highlights....
Graeme decides that he shoudl play golf as a back hander.. not a bad idea after seeing his forehand..
Alice has some trouble with wind... when he was with the wind.. he was crap, but against the wind he was awesome (or was it the other way around.. ??. who cares??..
Speaking of wind.. Crack must ave spent the entire week eating cabbage, as almost every hole adding methane to the atmosphere. Graeme and Lemur concluded that Crack had ejected more than 4 times the volume of his lower intestine. At 4 times the volume, (i.e. 4 atmospheres), this translates to 58.78 pounds per square inch. That would have been more than capable of powering Cracks ball around the course without the need for clubs. Just a variable pressure air hose would have done the trick!
Dagenator had a tough day, highlighted only by his drive on the 3rd. The remainder was a sorry collection of shots, and when the leading group looked back to the par 3 12th to see Dag fall to his knees with his hands on his head.. we knew it wasn't going well.
Back to Crack for the last thought (as if the last picture in your mind was not enough). Seeing Camillo Villegas on TV has inspired Crack to do more alignment on his puts. However, unlike Camillo who has to balance himself as Spiderman with one foot beneath him, Crack has no such worries, his $30000 beer belly (sponsored by Molson) does a far better job of raising him from the ground to look down the putting line.
My question to finish.. Who needs Spiderman when you've got a Crack?????
A group of 6 TGA tour pros heading to the east end. Crack, Alicve, VFM, Dagenator, Lemur, and Graeme (2nd appearance on tour.. gonna have to name him soon!)
Graeme, Crack and Lemur team up for the 18, with the other chaps bringing up the rear (ooer).
Crack decides after the first hole that he's not in the birdie competition for the day, and the threesome debate whether dropping out after the game has started is allowable, then he decides he's in, and the debate continues.. If he'd birdies the first he would have definitely been in, so Crack is informed he is in breach of TGA rules and must play the remainder of the round shirtless. second thoughts.. not a great idea ..
Other round highlights....
Graeme decides that he shoudl play golf as a back hander.. not a bad idea after seeing his forehand..
Alice has some trouble with wind... when he was with the wind.. he was crap, but against the wind he was awesome (or was it the other way around.. ??. who cares??..
Speaking of wind.. Crack must ave spent the entire week eating cabbage, as almost every hole adding methane to the atmosphere. Graeme and Lemur concluded that Crack had ejected more than 4 times the volume of his lower intestine. At 4 times the volume, (i.e. 4 atmospheres), this translates to 58.78 pounds per square inch. That would have been more than capable of powering Cracks ball around the course without the need for clubs. Just a variable pressure air hose would have done the trick!
Dagenator had a tough day, highlighted only by his drive on the 3rd. The remainder was a sorry collection of shots, and when the leading group looked back to the par 3 12th to see Dag fall to his knees with his hands on his head.. we knew it wasn't going well.
Back to Crack for the last thought (as if the last picture in your mind was not enough). Seeing Camillo Villegas on TV has inspired Crack to do more alignment on his puts. However, unlike Camillo who has to balance himself as Spiderman with one foot beneath him, Crack has no such worries, his $30000 beer belly (sponsored by Molson) does a far better job of raising him from the ground to look down the putting line.
My question to finish.. Who needs Spiderman when you've got a Crack?????
July 4th - The Falcon
OK..so i'm still trying to catch up on the blogs.. and we're back at The Falcon!
Lemur, Papa Hicks, Alice, Dagenator, Grand Par, Neville (guest of Grand Par)... and.. at the first tee.. up pops Gazebo !!.
The clubhouse is looking fabulous.. if you're from the stone age.. actually.. no.. there's no stone.. just mud.
Lemur returning to the site of his 5 iron accident.. decides his 5 iron is his new favourite club.. Alice has an excellent round finishing with an 82. Lemur kept up with the star on the first 9, but couldnt keep up after a few 7s appeared on his card. Dagenator had an average round, finished with a sub 90 score.. and confessed days later that he'd missed a hole out !. keep an eye on The Dag for future bet confirmation
Grand Par has a good round, then decides his approach shot to the 18th green should really be on the 10th tee. Neville finds out that Lemurs guest set of clubs are a guest set for a reason. Papa Hicks putter adopts is usual magnetic attraction to the hole. Gazebo decides that the quickest way to the 2nd green is down the third fairway, and rumour has it he still scored an 11 or something..
Lemur collects some cash.. and STILL waits for crack to cough up from Victorien !
Lemur, Papa Hicks, Alice, Dagenator, Grand Par, Neville (guest of Grand Par)... and.. at the first tee.. up pops Gazebo !!.
The clubhouse is looking fabulous.. if you're from the stone age.. actually.. no.. there's no stone.. just mud.
Lemur returning to the site of his 5 iron accident.. decides his 5 iron is his new favourite club.. Alice has an excellent round finishing with an 82. Lemur kept up with the star on the first 9, but couldnt keep up after a few 7s appeared on his card. Dagenator had an average round, finished with a sub 90 score.. and confessed days later that he'd missed a hole out !. keep an eye on The Dag for future bet confirmation
Grand Par has a good round, then decides his approach shot to the 18th green should really be on the 10th tee. Neville finds out that Lemurs guest set of clubs are a guest set for a reason. Papa Hicks putter adopts is usual magnetic attraction to the hole. Gazebo decides that the quickest way to the 2nd green is down the third fairway, and rumour has it he still scored an 11 or something..
Lemur collects some cash.. and STILL waits for crack to cough up from Victorien !
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