Lemur to Alice "6.15am at Wallmart?"
Alice to Lemur "See you at 6.14"
Crack to Both "See you at the course"
Crack at the course "I need to hit a few balls before we play". (after 1st hole tee shot)
Crack... see above!>..
Dagenator on the other hand needs to such practice.. he's such a natural!..
Just the 4 up at Victorien, and some healthy discussion on the first tee. Dagenator shows a little too much confidence on the first tee, and alice immediately sees a problem, and pulls out of the birdie and putt challenge. Lemur follows suit, not because of the same detection, but is still waiting for his lunch to be bought by Dag from a few days before hand, and feared if he owed Lemur any more cash, it may be affecting his credit scoring. Lemur suggests the white tees, leading to a full discussion that Lemur may not have enough testosterone to compete, but the butch boys fall in line, and its off the whites this time around.
Alice's poker-like insight proves its worth, with Dagenator scoring 2 birdies in the round. Alice does well on the front nine, and falters on the back. Lemur is back to his old tricks, only waking up on the 10th tee. Crack is having none of these shinanegans, and finds his driver is cooperating this morning, sending drive after drive down the middle of the fairway..well.. mostly. Lemur sends his wedge off the shaft into the trees on 11.. Alice finds the trees on 15 after thinking that a cut would make it around the dogleg. The only cut out there for Alice is the required cutting of the forest for the line of his shot. Crack yet again proves that his lower intestine should be considered for an entry in Canada's Got Talent, as long as the event is held in an outdoor location, the judges should survive.
Dag and Lemur clean up in the team competition, despite Lemurs aweful putting, on aweful greens. Looks like our last visit to the Mirabel course this year. Hope to find true greens and grass on the tee boxes next week !>..
August 16th - Riviere Rouge "Virgin Classic" day 2
Day two sees Lemur and Papa Hicks host Stiffy and Alice at the small but cute track west of Vaudreuil. Alice and Stiffy are walking to the driving range, and unfortunately Lemur just missed them as his car zooms towards the car park. The NO DRIVER rule on the driving range gets ignored completely as the tough competitors rattle the fence with their drives (the side fence.. the 200 yard back fence is way out of reach).
On to the course.. and its a skins game of Virgins against .. errr.. non Virgins. Alice takes early command, with 3 pars in 3 holes, then.. oops.. Lemur gets just short of the green in 2 on the same par 5, then takes three more shots to get up to the hole... 2 holes later.. then a rather large oops for lemur, a save by PH, but the virgins take the front 9 by one hole. On to the back and the same fun is had, leading to the 18th hole, with two good drives by Alice and Lemur. Alice dumps his second shot into the hazard, lemur safely onto the green. Alice gets a stiffy with his 4th shot two feet from the hole.. and.. again.. Lemur takes three shots to get to the hole from the bottom of the green.. The virgins break theur cherries.. and collect a few bucks in the process. (am sure there's a word for that).
An excellent weekend, and Virginities are no more.. well.. you know what I mean.
On to the course.. and its a skins game of Virgins against .. errr.. non Virgins. Alice takes early command, with 3 pars in 3 holes, then.. oops.. Lemur gets just short of the green in 2 on the same par 5, then takes three more shots to get up to the hole... 2 holes later.. then a rather large oops for lemur, a save by PH, but the virgins take the front 9 by one hole. On to the back and the same fun is had, leading to the 18th hole, with two good drives by Alice and Lemur. Alice dumps his second shot into the hazard, lemur safely onto the green. Alice gets a stiffy with his 4th shot two feet from the hole.. and.. again.. Lemur takes three shots to get to the hole from the bottom of the green.. The virgins break theur cherries.. and collect a few bucks in the process. (am sure there's a word for that).
An excellent weekend, and Virginities are no more.. well.. you know what I mean.
August 15th - Quatre Domaines "Virgin Classic" day 1
So its a virgin round of golf at Quatre Domaines for Lemur, Murray (yet to be named.. hehe), and Gazebo (even though Stiffy and Alice are convinced he's played there before... perhaps one of the very few rounds that Gazebo would rather forget). Hosting the virgins in the first group is Alice, who is anything bit a virgin on this course (need I say more?). Group two contains Dagenator, Grand Par (back from a trip to the wilderness, of the maritimes, via Connecticut. The word is he took a wrong turn after the Champlain bridge and noticed his error 5 hours later), Domino (name about to be changed... hehe and Stiffy. Its a game of middle two scores count, with the usual birdies for a toonie, putts for a loonie amongst a few of the competitors. Alice and Lemur are hoping that Dagenator does well today as we're worried that were extracting too much quam from him these days.... ok.. I'm full of it.. no we're not.. keep it coming Dag !.
Fun to be had all around the course. 3 players 4 putt the par 4 Group 1 becomes group 2 when Gazebo and lemur put in some custom bacon orders at the turn, much to the disgust of Alice who would be half way through the back 9 by now if it wasn't for these slow b@$t@rd$. Gazebo and lemur chuckle in the bar watching Alice get all upset.. hehe.
At this point Crack shows his disdain to all his fellow competitors by dropping the gaseous contents of his guts on the 10th tee. He really ought to get that checked out.. its not normal! Most players then screw up the 10th hole. not a completely unrelated incident... However.. Murray did not, and also excelled on the par three shortly thereafter when the smell of a local farm was wafting over the course. Do I feel there is a possible name related to his elevated skill level when there is a smell of poop in the air??. Absolutely !. Nominations appreciated, or I'll just make an arbitrary decision.
The players get together at the 17th tee due to slow play. Domino shows off his skill, by aiming to the trees on the right, and plopping it in the water on the left. Crack and Stiffy collaborate and conclude that his name be be changed to a more severe one than Domino, and so ...
GRAND BANANE ... is born.
Loonies and toonies exchange hands for the next ten minutes over beer, and Lemur has no clue if he's still owed money or not.. so decides that Crack probably owes him something, and is happy with that... on to day 2 !!
Fun to be had all around the course. 3 players 4 putt the par 4 Group 1 becomes group 2 when Gazebo and lemur put in some custom bacon orders at the turn, much to the disgust of Alice who would be half way through the back 9 by now if it wasn't for these slow b@$t@rd$. Gazebo and lemur chuckle in the bar watching Alice get all upset.. hehe.
At this point Crack shows his disdain to all his fellow competitors by dropping the gaseous contents of his guts on the 10th tee. He really ought to get that checked out.. its not normal! Most players then screw up the 10th hole. not a completely unrelated incident... However.. Murray did not, and also excelled on the par three shortly thereafter when the smell of a local farm was wafting over the course. Do I feel there is a possible name related to his elevated skill level when there is a smell of poop in the air??. Absolutely !. Nominations appreciated, or I'll just make an arbitrary decision.
The players get together at the 17th tee due to slow play. Domino shows off his skill, by aiming to the trees on the right, and plopping it in the water on the left. Crack and Stiffy collaborate and conclude that his name be be changed to a more severe one than Domino, and so ...
GRAND BANANE ... is born.
Loonies and toonies exchange hands for the next ten minutes over beer, and Lemur has no clue if he's still owed money or not.. so decides that Crack probably owes him something, and is happy with that... on to day 2 !!
August 11th - Manitou/Le Diable "Almost Invitational"
Almost Aussie jets across the pond to host the event, arriving a little later than usual due to plane issues in Newark. His private jet needed to replenish beer, shrimp and sheep before making it up to Montreal.
An immediate sentimental moment as Lemur meets Almost at the airport, with his golf travel bag still sporting the same large splat of bird poop emblazoned on the front. If that bird knew it had created a logo, it could be worth millions!
a 7am meet up north of Laval with The Dagenator and we're on our way to Tremblant. Dark clouds ahead cause frowns on the brows of our intrepid golfing heroes, and a few minutes later the skiess open and Lemurs Audi gets its first wash of the day. He concludes that driving faster gets it cleaner, but the motor is having none of it, complaining that it's oil level is low and wants some more lube.
A quick stop at the petroleum rip off station, and a quick decision to grab some breakfast has the golfers get back into the car, pull out of the station, turn back in to the Tim Hortons car park, only to park within 4 metres of the starting point. the chaps conclude that we're all taking turns in being less than bright this morning, apart from Dag of course who is always alert....... until a point in time 1/2 an hour later on arrival at Manitou when he realizes that 'THE MURSE' is still at Tim's. Almost is left with the bags, and Lemur and Dag scoot back to the brekki point. THE MURSE and its owner are reunited. Lemur wonders if Dagenator should be renamed MURSELESS (perhaps a future discussion).
Almost greets the arrival back at Manitou and its on to the course. no warm up (thanks to Dag) and on to the first tee. The chaps decide to be macho and play from the tips (on a par 58 course), and onwards. Almost and Dagenator strike first with a birdie each, leaving Lemur catching up later in the round with 2 of them. a few trips into the sand for various players reveal the bunkers are made from rocks, some of which could genuinely be used for a rock garden. An immediate local rule brought into play allowing removal of the rocks from around the balls to prevent damage to the head and shaft.
Par 4s are brought to their knees with big drives to the green. Dag nails one..overcooks one.. and f*&ks one up (but still scores par after a Tiger-esque recovery from the deep stuff). Final scores on the Manitou..
Lemur - 65, Dag - 68, Almost - 75
Lunch in downtown St Jovite, then on to Diable
Waste bunkers are the order of the day on Diable, and they're MONSTERS. great holes in the planet sucking balls in from every direction. Almost makes an early entry into the wasteland, Lemur quickly follows, but Dag opens up the round with a brace of pars.
on to the third and we're joined by a local. 'ET' was his name. unfortunatley this alien sucks the life from the 'Man of Murse' and his golf game starts to falter. Almost is having a tough round, Lemur is doing pretty well, and Dag is varied, but all having a fun afternoon, and the sun is shining. Highlight of the round for all. Cart girl selling 2 for 2 on Coors light !. Dagenator continues his trend of burning the sides of the cup, culminating on the 17th hole when his 10 foot putt, travelling towards the hole .A foot away from the target, Dag calles out "FINALLY" ... only for the putt to burn past the hole.
Lemus finishes with a triple bogey to end what was a pretty good round, Dag is a bit unhappy at the round costing 15 bucks more than it needed to, and Almost hoping that his golf over the next two weeks in the US increases in quality and decreases in shot count. A curry at Sahibs in Pointe Claire rounds off the day.
An immediate sentimental moment as Lemur meets Almost at the airport, with his golf travel bag still sporting the same large splat of bird poop emblazoned on the front. If that bird knew it had created a logo, it could be worth millions!
a 7am meet up north of Laval with The Dagenator and we're on our way to Tremblant. Dark clouds ahead cause frowns on the brows of our intrepid golfing heroes, and a few minutes later the skiess open and Lemurs Audi gets its first wash of the day. He concludes that driving faster gets it cleaner, but the motor is having none of it, complaining that it's oil level is low and wants some more lube.
A quick stop at the petroleum rip off station, and a quick decision to grab some breakfast has the golfers get back into the car, pull out of the station, turn back in to the Tim Hortons car park, only to park within 4 metres of the starting point. the chaps conclude that we're all taking turns in being less than bright this morning, apart from Dag of course who is always alert....... until a point in time 1/2 an hour later on arrival at Manitou when he realizes that 'THE MURSE' is still at Tim's. Almost is left with the bags, and Lemur and Dag scoot back to the brekki point. THE MURSE and its owner are reunited. Lemur wonders if Dagenator should be renamed MURSELESS (perhaps a future discussion).
Almost greets the arrival back at Manitou and its on to the course. no warm up (thanks to Dag) and on to the first tee. The chaps decide to be macho and play from the tips (on a par 58 course), and onwards. Almost and Dagenator strike first with a birdie each, leaving Lemur catching up later in the round with 2 of them. a few trips into the sand for various players reveal the bunkers are made from rocks, some of which could genuinely be used for a rock garden. An immediate local rule brought into play allowing removal of the rocks from around the balls to prevent damage to the head and shaft.
Par 4s are brought to their knees with big drives to the green. Dag nails one..overcooks one.. and f*&ks one up (but still scores par after a Tiger-esque recovery from the deep stuff). Final scores on the Manitou..
Lemur - 65, Dag - 68, Almost - 75
Lunch in downtown St Jovite, then on to Diable
Waste bunkers are the order of the day on Diable, and they're MONSTERS. great holes in the planet sucking balls in from every direction. Almost makes an early entry into the wasteland, Lemur quickly follows, but Dag opens up the round with a brace of pars.
on to the third and we're joined by a local. 'ET' was his name. unfortunatley this alien sucks the life from the 'Man of Murse' and his golf game starts to falter. Almost is having a tough round, Lemur is doing pretty well, and Dag is varied, but all having a fun afternoon, and the sun is shining. Highlight of the round for all. Cart girl selling 2 for 2 on Coors light !. Dagenator continues his trend of burning the sides of the cup, culminating on the 17th hole when his 10 foot putt, travelling towards the hole .A foot away from the target, Dag calles out "FINALLY" ... only for the putt to burn past the hole.
Lemus finishes with a triple bogey to end what was a pretty good round, Dag is a bit unhappy at the round costing 15 bucks more than it needed to, and Almost hoping that his golf over the next two weeks in the US increases in quality and decreases in shot count. A curry at Sahibs in Pointe Claire rounds off the day.
August 9th - St Raphael
Hoping that someone writes something for this TGA event .. or Lemur will make up stories of unusual bonding activities involving Dagenator getting a Stiffy in the Gazebo thanks to Alice.
It's Official !
By an overwhelming majority... VFM is hereby renamed...
Dr Dolittle !!
Any further evidence of him using Fauna to improve his game. Please report them !
Dr Dolittle !!
Any further evidence of him using Fauna to improve his game. Please report them !
Tip Videos !
As if your head isn't already full of garbage... Check out this site. Trahan senior offering videos etc as well as tips galore. I don't agree with all of them as my game is already perfect.. but.. some good stuff here.. including a 10 part video series for free.
http://www.peakperformancegolfswing.com/
Regards....Lemur
http://www.peakperformancegolfswing.com/
Regards....Lemur
August 1st- Golf Des Ile
An early start for the TGA tour vets, and its on our way east. Lemur extra excited (no.. not like that) because its his first time in the la Fontaine tunnel!. Graeme and Papa Hicks keep him calm, as he's driving.
Arrival at the course, green fees paid, and the intrepid adventurers hop on the golf ferry (a raft with a motor) to get across to the island. Feelings of the deep south, or even Africa spring to mind. Alice is ALREADY at the course, even though he was on a late one last night, joined by VFM, Dagenator, Harry Putter and Blair (soon to be named.. hehe).
Talk on the first tee is if the Canadians have ever heard of 'dogging', a UK phenomenon where couples go to a quite spot with the full knowledge that they will be watched bouncing around in the car by some dirty old men doing a quick five-fingered-knuckle-shuffle while they watch the action . evidently (according to lemur) the large park leading to the golf course would likely be used for this purpose should it be in Blighty. After a quick survey, the conclusion is... no.. dogging has not been exported as yet.
Out onto the course has Alice, Dag, Blair and Graeme in the first group, with lemur, Harry, Papa and VFM in the second.
Notes from the round.
Hole 4 sees harry Putter put his drive in the bunker (see lesson in next para), his second shot into the next bunker, his next into the green side bunker, and his next in the same bunker. he wasn't a happy chap. The two representatives from across the pond then engaged in comparison of accents for the the recent sand experience. Now if you want to practice, here's how it goes.
John, being from the soft south, with a distinct Essex accent would pronounce the word bunker as follows. Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BAANGKA!"
This can be used in the following sentence as quoted by Harry P on the course..
"not annava faackin Baangka!"
This is different in the Yorkshire dialact, where men are men, sheep are scared, and electricity hasn't quite reached there yet.Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BOONGKA"
This can be used in the following sentence on the following hole where Lemur pulled his approach shot left into a sand trap.
"Fookin ell! Its gone in t boongka!" (using up one of his allowed curses for the round)
Onwards... Dag hits the pin on his exit from the boongka/baangka, and fails to convert the put. One of many birdies that passed the poor chap by..
VFM scores what he thinks may be his only par of the round at the par 3 sixth. Even has the audacity to call his par when he still had a tricky three footer for the par.
By the 9th, the second foursome notes Papa Hicks always driving his ball to the ladies tee. Perhaps there's a hidden side to Papa we don't know about.. Could he actually be Mama Hicks???
The first group starts to identify that Dagenator is trying to increase his chances of collecting putt dollars, and he is described as a bit of a "Minge Seeker".. Hmmmmm if his name wasn't already a great one.. i'd be voting for a name change for the Dag. Feel free to comment on this point.
At around this time, Blair starts to talk about his hero, John Daly, and his panchance for wives. This leads on to Blair indicating that for a couple of mill, he'd put up with the punishment. this led to discussions on 'anal bruising' and other less savoury injuries possible. Alice recalls a discussion with a UK colleague, indicating that 'to be an arsehole' in the UK is OK, bt a 'steaming arsehole' is not so great. (Alice.. you've been had.. an arse is an arse is an ass, but don't let it stop you chatting with UK fellows on the subject. Let us know how you get on). Back to Blair.. (hehe), the discussion around his willingness to gimp for the resurgent PGA tour pros gives the TGA Tour committee its opportunity to strike. By a vote in the car on the way home, proposed by Graeme, and seconded by Papa Hicks and Lemur, Blair is now hereby named....
" Mrs. Daly " !.. Good work Blair.. one of the TGA Tours finer pseudonyms!
Back on with the round.
Lemur his his first clean iron shot on the 10th, and never looks back, scorching the back 9..
Harry Putter pulls out his wood and strokes it with impunity to the adoration of the nearby onlookers. His playing partners decide that he ought to use his wood more often as he uses it with such professionalism.
The seminal moment of the round happens around the 17th green and 18th tee. VFM approaches the green, and is suddenly surrounded by what must be a couple of hundred seagulls, all jostling to get sight of VFMs putts. This amazing sight is surpassed moments later on the tee at the 18th. With a tee shot over water, VFM is the last to drive. While lining up his tee shot, a line of eight or nine Canadian Geese actually STOP before crossing the probable line of VFM's drive. by some miracle VFM has instructed the winged fauna to wait a moment to avoid injury. it was a sight to behold. Now this leads me to propose the following. That VFM be renamed Dr. Dolittle for his ability to talk to the animals. Without an opportunity to put this to the vote, a survey is hereby put in front of you the TGA Tour pros. Please indicate your preference on the survey.
The round finishes soon after, and a return trip on the hydrofoil returns us to our autos and the route home. Des Ile golf course receives the approval of all as an excellent addition to the TGA Tour.
We shall return !.
Arrival at the course, green fees paid, and the intrepid adventurers hop on the golf ferry (a raft with a motor) to get across to the island. Feelings of the deep south, or even Africa spring to mind. Alice is ALREADY at the course, even though he was on a late one last night, joined by VFM, Dagenator, Harry Putter and Blair (soon to be named.. hehe).
Talk on the first tee is if the Canadians have ever heard of 'dogging', a UK phenomenon where couples go to a quite spot with the full knowledge that they will be watched bouncing around in the car by some dirty old men doing a quick five-fingered-knuckle-shuffle while they watch the action . evidently (according to lemur) the large park leading to the golf course would likely be used for this purpose should it be in Blighty. After a quick survey, the conclusion is... no.. dogging has not been exported as yet.
Out onto the course has Alice, Dag, Blair and Graeme in the first group, with lemur, Harry, Papa and VFM in the second.
Notes from the round.
Hole 4 sees harry Putter put his drive in the bunker (see lesson in next para), his second shot into the next bunker, his next into the green side bunker, and his next in the same bunker. he wasn't a happy chap. The two representatives from across the pond then engaged in comparison of accents for the the recent sand experience. Now if you want to practice, here's how it goes.
John, being from the soft south, with a distinct Essex accent would pronounce the word bunker as follows. Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BAANGKA!"
This can be used in the following sentence as quoted by Harry P on the course..
"not annava faackin Baangka!"
This is different in the Yorkshire dialact, where men are men, sheep are scared, and electricity hasn't quite reached there yet.Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BOONGKA"
This can be used in the following sentence on the following hole where Lemur pulled his approach shot left into a sand trap.
"Fookin ell! Its gone in t boongka!" (using up one of his allowed curses for the round)
Onwards... Dag hits the pin on his exit from the boongka/baangka, and fails to convert the put. One of many birdies that passed the poor chap by..
VFM scores what he thinks may be his only par of the round at the par 3 sixth. Even has the audacity to call his par when he still had a tricky three footer for the par.
By the 9th, the second foursome notes Papa Hicks always driving his ball to the ladies tee. Perhaps there's a hidden side to Papa we don't know about.. Could he actually be Mama Hicks???
The first group starts to identify that Dagenator is trying to increase his chances of collecting putt dollars, and he is described as a bit of a "Minge Seeker".. Hmmmmm if his name wasn't already a great one.. i'd be voting for a name change for the Dag. Feel free to comment on this point.
At around this time, Blair starts to talk about his hero, John Daly, and his panchance for wives. This leads on to Blair indicating that for a couple of mill, he'd put up with the punishment. this led to discussions on 'anal bruising' and other less savoury injuries possible. Alice recalls a discussion with a UK colleague, indicating that 'to be an arsehole' in the UK is OK, bt a 'steaming arsehole' is not so great. (Alice.. you've been had.. an arse is an arse is an ass, but don't let it stop you chatting with UK fellows on the subject. Let us know how you get on). Back to Blair.. (hehe), the discussion around his willingness to gimp for the resurgent PGA tour pros gives the TGA Tour committee its opportunity to strike. By a vote in the car on the way home, proposed by Graeme, and seconded by Papa Hicks and Lemur, Blair is now hereby named....
" Mrs. Daly " !.. Good work Blair.. one of the TGA Tours finer pseudonyms!
Back on with the round.
Lemur his his first clean iron shot on the 10th, and never looks back, scorching the back 9..
Harry Putter pulls out his wood and strokes it with impunity to the adoration of the nearby onlookers. His playing partners decide that he ought to use his wood more often as he uses it with such professionalism.
The seminal moment of the round happens around the 17th green and 18th tee. VFM approaches the green, and is suddenly surrounded by what must be a couple of hundred seagulls, all jostling to get sight of VFMs putts. This amazing sight is surpassed moments later on the tee at the 18th. With a tee shot over water, VFM is the last to drive. While lining up his tee shot, a line of eight or nine Canadian Geese actually STOP before crossing the probable line of VFM's drive. by some miracle VFM has instructed the winged fauna to wait a moment to avoid injury. it was a sight to behold. Now this leads me to propose the following. That VFM be renamed Dr. Dolittle for his ability to talk to the animals. Without an opportunity to put this to the vote, a survey is hereby put in front of you the TGA Tour pros. Please indicate your preference on the survey.
The round finishes soon after, and a return trip on the hydrofoil returns us to our autos and the route home. Des Ile golf course receives the approval of all as an excellent addition to the TGA Tour.
We shall return !.
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