An early start for the TGA tour vets, and its on our way east. Lemur extra excited (no.. not like that) because its his first time in the la Fontaine tunnel!. Graeme and Papa Hicks keep him calm, as he's driving.
Arrival at the course, green fees paid, and the intrepid adventurers hop on the golf ferry (a raft with a motor) to get across to the island. Feelings of the deep south, or even Africa spring to mind. Alice is ALREADY at the course, even though he was on a late one last night, joined by VFM, Dagenator, Harry Putter and Blair (soon to be named.. hehe).
Talk on the first tee is if the Canadians have ever heard of 'dogging', a UK phenomenon where couples go to a quite spot with the full knowledge that they will be watched bouncing around in the car by some dirty old men doing a quick five-fingered-knuckle-shuffle while they watch the action . evidently (according to lemur) the large park leading to the golf course would likely be used for this purpose should it be in Blighty. After a quick survey, the conclusion is... no.. dogging has not been exported as yet.
Out onto the course has Alice, Dag, Blair and Graeme in the first group, with lemur, Harry, Papa and VFM in the second.
Notes from the round.
Hole 4 sees harry Putter put his drive in the bunker (see lesson in next para), his second shot into the next bunker, his next into the green side bunker, and his next in the same bunker. he wasn't a happy chap. The two representatives from across the pond then engaged in comparison of accents for the the recent sand experience. Now if you want to practice, here's how it goes.
John, being from the soft south, with a distinct Essex accent would pronounce the word bunker as follows. Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BAANGKA!"
This can be used in the following sentence as quoted by Harry P on the course..
"not annava faackin Baangka!"
This is different in the Yorkshire dialact, where men are men, sheep are scared, and electricity hasn't quite reached there yet.Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BOONGKA"
This can be used in the following sentence on the following hole where Lemur pulled his approach shot left into a sand trap.
"Fookin ell! Its gone in t boongka!" (using up one of his allowed curses for the round)
Onwards... Dag hits the pin on his exit from the boongka/baangka, and fails to convert the put. One of many birdies that passed the poor chap by..
VFM scores what he thinks may be his only par of the round at the par 3 sixth. Even has the audacity to call his par when he still had a tricky three footer for the par.
By the 9th, the second foursome notes Papa Hicks always driving his ball to the ladies tee. Perhaps there's a hidden side to Papa we don't know about.. Could he actually be Mama Hicks???
The first group starts to identify that Dagenator is trying to increase his chances of collecting putt dollars, and he is described as a bit of a "Minge Seeker".. Hmmmmm if his name wasn't already a great one.. i'd be voting for a name change for the Dag. Feel free to comment on this point.
At around this time, Blair starts to talk about his hero, John Daly, and his panchance for wives. This leads on to Blair indicating that for a couple of mill, he'd put up with the punishment. this led to discussions on 'anal bruising' and other less savoury injuries possible. Alice recalls a discussion with a UK colleague, indicating that 'to be an arsehole' in the UK is OK, bt a 'steaming arsehole' is not so great. (Alice.. you've been had.. an arse is an arse is an ass, but don't let it stop you chatting with UK fellows on the subject. Let us know how you get on). Back to Blair.. (hehe), the discussion around his willingness to gimp for the resurgent PGA tour pros gives the TGA Tour committee its opportunity to strike. By a vote in the car on the way home, proposed by Graeme, and seconded by Papa Hicks and Lemur, Blair is now hereby named....
" Mrs. Daly " !.. Good work Blair.. one of the TGA Tours finer pseudonyms!
Back on with the round.
Lemur his his first clean iron shot on the 10th, and never looks back, scorching the back 9..
Harry Putter pulls out his wood and strokes it with impunity to the adoration of the nearby onlookers. His playing partners decide that he ought to use his wood more often as he uses it with such professionalism.
The seminal moment of the round happens around the 17th green and 18th tee. VFM approaches the green, and is suddenly surrounded by what must be a couple of hundred seagulls, all jostling to get sight of VFMs putts. This amazing sight is surpassed moments later on the tee at the 18th. With a tee shot over water, VFM is the last to drive. While lining up his tee shot, a line of eight or nine Canadian Geese actually STOP before crossing the probable line of VFM's drive. by some miracle VFM has instructed the winged fauna to wait a moment to avoid injury. it was a sight to behold. Now this leads me to propose the following. That VFM be renamed Dr. Dolittle for his ability to talk to the animals. Without an opportunity to put this to the vote, a survey is hereby put in front of you the TGA Tour pros. Please indicate your preference on the survey.
The round finishes soon after, and a return trip on the hydrofoil returns us to our autos and the route home. Des Ile golf course receives the approval of all as an excellent addition to the TGA Tour.
We shall return !.
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