Alice... check.. Lemur... check.. Dagenator...check..Grand Par... check.. thats a fours...Gazebo... check!.. Thats a fivesome!. Race to the border is on.. snow's not here het.. and despite the forecast.. the currant bun(sun to you non-cockney readers) is out.. a little.. oh yes.. and its blowing a farce-ten gale.
Gazebo, Alice and Lemur chat with the very long-stached fellow in the club house who showed pride in the course late opening, recalling 180 golfers playing on Christmas day 2 years ago. Grand Par and Dagenator still not arrived...
Over to Captain Dag for an account of their tardiness... Dag???
Well, I arranged with Grand Par that I would call him as I approached his residence (I was picking him up – fortuitously, it turns out). Well, I made the call, and after several rings… the muffled, somewhat befuddled and sleep-mumbled voice of Grand Mar can be heard on the line: “…hello..?”. At which point, my heart sinks and I meekly ask: “umm, err, could I speak to Richard, please?” Grand Mar makes a game effort at responding: “umm Richard mumble mumble um Golfing today mumble um mumble”.
At which point, I’m thinking to myself: “ohfuckohfuckohfuck! I’ve just woken up Mandy/Grand Mar/Mrs Bos!” Always the cool cucumber, I calmly responded: “I am soooo sorry for waking you up, I thought this was his mobile, I do apologize, please go back to sleep, I’ll never do it again, Oh God what have I done.” Then, again calmly, I hung up.
I then realized that I hadn’t really understood a word Grand Mar had said, I had not told her I was waiting downstairs, and I wasn’t even sure whether Richard had forgotten about our arrangement and had already left without me. So I milled around, hoping that I had caught him while he was in the shower. And I waited. And I waited. Every so often, I would glance over at my GPS to confirm that yes, my arrival time at the course was creeping closer and closer to our 8:30 start time. Just as I was giving up hope, I saw a shadowy figure, carrying a bag, hustling through the lobby of the apartment building. Wearing shorts.
Well, it turns out that someone had incorrectly set someone’s blackberry alarm (something about a 5-day vs 7-day alarm setting – whatever.) Considering he was woken up from a sound sleep, that Grand Par managed to get downstairs in roughly 12 minutes with his kit was quite impressive.
Thanks Dagenator... The TGA fair play committee feel you overdid it. you shoudl have made him walk....back to the account.
Another forgetable round for Lemur.. didnt even record the score.. but bathing in the golfing fellowship that is the TGA tour, it doesn't matter.. (it does.. sob.. I was a bag of sh...)
The scores didn't matter.. the fun did... and some Krupnik on the 7th, 11th, and 16th holes.. it was allllll good.
Gazebo had the highlight of the round. His tee shot didn't quite stay on the fairway...didn't quite stay on the hole...didn't quitestay in the course.. didn't quite stay in the country !!!.. YUP.. Gazebo smuggled a trust Callaway south of the border thanks to his drive.. Lemur attempts to deliberately send a ceremonial ball directly in the same direction..and tops it.. hope noone saw that !.
The round finished, and the chaps concluded that this could be the end of the TGA Tour for 2009.
Indeed it was...
21th November - Quatres Domains
Its all becoming a blur !. Ah yes.. lemur and Dagenator on this one for sure.. and this might have been the round that Alice missed, as we introduced Dag to "Serge".. AKA "Big Easy" .. Nice fellow.. and way too consistent for the TGA Tour. Ah yes.. all coming back to me now.. I actually won some skins on this round.. unlike the previous week.. but Serge still took the skins cash.
14th November - Quatres Domains
The morning after a curry night for lemus and Papa Hicks... This can't be good for Lemur.. and it wasn't!!!.. yucky round.. highlighted by a 9 on the par 5 5th.. soething to do with taking three shots to get out of a fairway bunker.. then into a greenside bunker.. reminding himself of Harry Putter's escapads earlier int he year.. Ah well..
Umm.. can't remember who else was there.. was this the weekend that Alice couldn't make it?.. Pretty sure Dag was there.. Noo.. Sigh.. I'm trying to forget this round !
Umm.. can't remember who else was there.. was this the weekend that Alice couldn't make it?.. Pretty sure Dag was there.. Noo.. Sigh.. I'm trying to forget this round !
8th November - Quatres Domains double header !
Early november golf, and it couldnt be a nicer day. Lemur and Alice like a couple of kids on Xmas morning as they've got permission to golf ALLLL day!. Roofer and Dagenator join the duo for the morning round. I dont recall much from the round other than general good comradery, Roofer complaining about his game, but actually doing not too bad.. Dagenator shouting "Doh" from different parts of the course, Alice being his usual staedy self, and Lemur wondering why hes waiting til 2009 to play this great course.
Afternoon round sees Dag and Roofer disappear, and Alice played the afternoon round with the french canadian version of jesus, and his buddy, and thank to the shorter days, decided to play the front nine twice rather then the back nine , and whaddya know.. we got 18 holes in !.
Afternoon round sees Dag and Roofer disappear, and Alice played the afternoon round with the french canadian version of jesus, and his buddy, and thank to the shorter days, decided to play the front nine twice rather then the back nine , and whaddya know.. we got 18 holes in !.
30th October - Atlantide "TGI Friday"
Lemur (dials Papa Hicks)
Mrs Hicks: Hello?
Lemur: Hi Cheryl its Duncan!
Mrs Hicks: Hi Duncan!
Lemur: Has [Papa Hicks] left for the course yet?
Mrs Hicks WHAT COURSE ????!!!!!
Evidently Papa Hicks was counting on the Mrs leaving the house at 8am leaving Papa free to head to the course for an all day "Business Meeting". Unfortunatly she left late, and Lemur sank him right into the dog house... ah well.. such is life..
Papa, Lemur, Alice and Dagenator head to Atlantide for a late Autunm 36 hole spectacular day. Alice and Lemur committed to 36 holes, with Dag and Papa on a 'maybe'. Lemur starts the round with his phone attached to his ear, and scores Trple , Double, Double. Phones and golf don't mix.
The chaps have an excellent round in the morning, and Lemur and Alice only have to mention the afternoon round and Papa and Dag are in. Don Quichotte is the course of the the afternoon, and the birdies start to rack up nicely.
The quote of the afternoon comes on the 6th hole island green, where Dagenator finds the claws os sea-crustacians on the edge of the green, and enthusiastically declares....
"My Minge has CRABS!!". Nothing that a few pills, a shave and some ointment wouldn't put right mr Dagenator.. Must have brought a dose back from Oz!
Mrs Hicks: Hello?
Lemur: Hi Cheryl its Duncan!
Mrs Hicks: Hi Duncan!
Lemur: Has [Papa Hicks] left for the course yet?
Mrs Hicks WHAT COURSE ????!!!!!
Evidently Papa Hicks was counting on the Mrs leaving the house at 8am leaving Papa free to head to the course for an all day "Business Meeting". Unfortunatly she left late, and Lemur sank him right into the dog house... ah well.. such is life..
Papa, Lemur, Alice and Dagenator head to Atlantide for a late Autunm 36 hole spectacular day. Alice and Lemur committed to 36 holes, with Dag and Papa on a 'maybe'. Lemur starts the round with his phone attached to his ear, and scores Trple , Double, Double. Phones and golf don't mix.
The chaps have an excellent round in the morning, and Lemur and Alice only have to mention the afternoon round and Papa and Dag are in. Don Quichotte is the course of the the afternoon, and the birdies start to rack up nicely.
The quote of the afternoon comes on the 6th hole island green, where Dagenator finds the claws os sea-crustacians on the edge of the green, and enthusiastically declares....
"My Minge has CRABS!!". Nothing that a few pills, a shave and some ointment wouldn't put right mr Dagenator.. Must have brought a dose back from Oz!
October 25th - Ile De Montreal
Alice, Grand-par and Harry Putter head to the east end on the better of the two days TGA weekend. The three fellows suffer from a bad case of wind unfortunately, but still had fun. Dont see many scores being posted on OOB.. hmm perhaps the 84 Alice scored was for the front nine !
October 24th - Atlantide
The Return of The Dagenator !!! Dagenator rejoins the Tour after a brief spell down under, and joins Lemur and Papa Hicks on the course. Plays like an arse, but we forgive the poor chap. Actually wasnt that bad, but he wasn't a happy chap for much of the round.. nice hat though!. And it hardly rained despite the forecast!..
October 18th - The Falcon
OK.. I can't remember much about the round.. other than we were delayed by over an hour.. but a nice fellow gave us coffee in the presigeous club house.. No. seriusly.. they HAVE started work on the clubhouse behond digging a hole.. there is ACTAULLY some foundation poured in there, with steel reinforcement!.. Lemur , Papa Hicks and Alice braved the morning chill, and had a gorgeous round of golf. A few shankapotumous from Lemur, but finished quite well. Alice the usual well-played self, and Papa with a shining example of game improvement throughout the year, until someone reminds him of it, and he f*(ks up.
October 12th - Riviere Rouge
Crack announced on the 10th that this would be his last game of the year, so he must be on some alternate calendar then, as he's on the first tee at Riviere Rouge ready for battle once more. Gazebo makes his first Fall series appearance having announced that "I'd like to play golf today" and Alice.. never one to pass up a game, joins Lemur in making up the foursome. Frost delay sends the pros to the club house for early breakfast, then the range to play with some frosty balls, then eventually onto the first tee. Alice is not in great shape, with the frost delay eating into his time allowed out. His clubs will turn into a pumpkin at noon ! Gazeb ohas a new course management strategy (yes a new one !!!). Nothing worse than a 6 !> After doing very well to maintain it for a large part of the round, he breaks double figures on the par 5 14th. Back to the earlier par 5, Lemur plays a text book par 5, good drive.. long second to just short of the green, chip onto the green hitting the flag leaving himself a tap-in birdie. Alice also reads from the text book... of farming a lumberjack skills.. a drive that finds trees on the right, and finds its way out. His second great shot leaves him 5 yards short of the green, with a tree almost as high in his way. Here produces one of the shots of the year, with an open club face, he swipes the ball with ease, with the only danger being the ball catching his nose on its way skyward. it clears the tree and lands on the green about 10 feet away. The rest is history... IS THERE NO JUSTICE???
Alice has to depart after 9.. Gazebo breaks 100 with his new found skills, and Lemur sneaks below 80 !. not sure of Cracks score, but he doesn't score too well on the botty burps either. Gazebo's statement of Cracks ability in this department seems unfounded, with neither a middle nor an end to be heard this morning. It must be the fast food he's been putting away since Mrs Crack is out of town. Normal service resumes next week we hope!.
Alice has to depart after 9.. Gazebo breaks 100 with his new found skills, and Lemur sneaks below 80 !. not sure of Cracks score, but he doesn't score too well on the botty burps either. Gazebo's statement of Cracks ability in this department seems unfounded, with neither a middle nor an end to be heard this morning. It must be the fast food he's been putting away since Mrs Crack is out of town. Normal service resumes next week we hope!.
October 10th - Le Versant
Crack, Alice, Lemur and Papa Hicks head into the TGA Tour Fall Series with unwavering enthusiasm! Lemur and papa Hicks decide to take the long route, getting lost in deepest East Laval and extending their journey time by about 20 minutes eating into valuable practice time. Its shows on the course.. Alice and Crack take an early lead, and before Lemur has time to say "Can we change teams please" , he and Papa Hicks are 6 holes down !. Papa Hicks is wishing Lemur had brought his game as well as his clubs, and Crack is thanking his lucky stars that Alice 'That's not right' logo is doing exactly that.. the ball isn't going right at all!.. dead straight.. long.. and Alice finds himself in an unusual place.. playing from the left hand side of a fairway!. Lemur continues his shocking performance, including taking a well played 5 on the short par 13th, after a blistering drive, he shanks his sand wedge into the trees. only thanks to the pocket chainsaw he brought along does the ball find its way out, then a chip and his first putt of the day from outside 3 feet going in saved bogey. The rest of the TGA stars are hoping Alice buys a new putter over the winter. He's too good with this old one. with only 13 putts on the front, his back 9 looked to be more challenging with an early 3-putt, but no!.. a series of one-putts on the back sees him matching the front 9, culminating in a ridiculous 20 foot putt breaking right downhill on the 18th green has Papa Hicks reaching for the barf bag, Crack reaching for his gun, and Lemur reaching for his wallet.. his only redemption being a brace of birdies when the match had long since been lost (not a team player!)
October 4th - Epicor Retail Perspectives - Ile De Montreal
No TGA Tour event this week. However, Lemur and Alice are looking looked after some Epicor parters and clients at the Ile De Montreal 'Ile' course. Visitors from Scotland, Australia as well as closer to home. An excellent course and definitely an addition to the TGA Tour for next year. Four Man Scramble/Vegas was the format, so no individual scores posted. Alice played quite well, Lemur didn't.
Also, whenever Epicor gets mentioned on the web, our Marketing team in Irvine gets a note from Google Alerts. (Hi Celia!)
Also, whenever Epicor gets mentioned on the web, our Marketing team in Irvine gets a note from Google Alerts. (Hi Celia!)
September 26th - Quatre Domaines
(Alice writes..)
Quatre Domaines ushered in the Fall with the first Frost Delay! Mrs. Daly appeared unaffected (probably the Edmonton blood), crushing the ball on the first tee and playing steady until the monster par five 10th. Reaching the green in two, and putting for Eagle, then for Birdie, and finally for Par – may have rattled Mrs. Daly slightly. A 30-foot birdie putt was drained on 14, but an ill-advised trip to the beach on 15 shook Mrs. Daly one more time. Papa Hicks showed early signs of the cold weather shivers, with a complete “wiff” on the third tee – but quickly warmed up to produce a few pars over the next 4 holes. No chip-in birdies like he demonstrated in the mini-TGA event at Vaudreuil on Thursday, but a solid 18 all the same. Alice took a little longer to warm up, and claimed to not be able to “feel” the shots due to frozen hands on the front nine. No excuses on the back nine, with seven pars and two bogeys – but since that 38 had to be paired with a 44, the sub-80 round continues to elude Alice this year. And finally Grand Par, who’s mentioned last as he arrived last – really last. The story is there were technical difficulties with a Blackberry alarm, causing him to miss the opening holes and join the group on the 5th tee. When he proceeded to open par-bogey-par, the group was convinced he was awake the whole time, sipping warm tea and avoiding the frosty conditions. The best news is that once he came out of hiding, we all saw his shadow, and must conclude there’s at least 6 weeks of golf weather remaining!
Quatre Domaines ushered in the Fall with the first Frost Delay! Mrs. Daly appeared unaffected (probably the Edmonton blood), crushing the ball on the first tee and playing steady until the monster par five 10th. Reaching the green in two, and putting for Eagle, then for Birdie, and finally for Par – may have rattled Mrs. Daly slightly. A 30-foot birdie putt was drained on 14, but an ill-advised trip to the beach on 15 shook Mrs. Daly one more time. Papa Hicks showed early signs of the cold weather shivers, with a complete “wiff” on the third tee – but quickly warmed up to produce a few pars over the next 4 holes. No chip-in birdies like he demonstrated in the mini-TGA event at Vaudreuil on Thursday, but a solid 18 all the same. Alice took a little longer to warm up, and claimed to not be able to “feel” the shots due to frozen hands on the front nine. No excuses on the back nine, with seven pars and two bogeys – but since that 38 had to be paired with a 44, the sub-80 round continues to elude Alice this year. And finally Grand Par, who’s mentioned last as he arrived last – really last. The story is there were technical difficulties with a Blackberry alarm, causing him to miss the opening holes and join the group on the 5th tee. When he proceeded to open par-bogey-par, the group was convinced he was awake the whole time, sipping warm tea and avoiding the frosty conditions. The best news is that once he came out of hiding, we all saw his shadow, and must conclude there’s at least 6 weeks of golf weather remaining!
September 19th - St Raphael
Looks like there was some TGA Tour action at St Raphael, but unfortunately no press coverage, so if you want to find out how Grand-Par went quintuple bogey triple bogey mid way through the back nine.. you'll have to ask him. Joined by Mrs Daly who shot a very respectable 87..
September 6th - Quatre Domaines
So Alice couldnt make Saturday due to wanting to sit on the internet on hold for saturday morning, so hosts a TGA tour stop at his 'home comfort' track at QD. Lemur has an itch in his shorts and cant let a TGA event go by while he's breathing, and gets on board at the last minute, joining Alice, Stiffy and Dagenator on the TGA Tour's Northern outpost.
Lemur starts off with a triple, and would rather forget the rest of the round, Dag shoots a respectable 93, Alice shoots a better than the average bear 86, and shows the group who's boss with a fabulous tee shot at the par 3 17th from 210 yards and collects a bit of cash with a couple of birdies too !.
The Tarnish Cup is just around the corner.. The troops are ready for battle !.. well.. almost.
Lemur starts off with a triple, and would rather forget the rest of the round, Dag shoots a respectable 93, Alice shoots a better than the average bear 86, and shows the group who's boss with a fabulous tee shot at the par 3 17th from 210 yards and collects a bit of cash with a couple of birdies too !.
The Tarnish Cup is just around the corner.. The troops are ready for battle !.. well.. almost.
September 5th - The Falcon
I cant even remember what we did here.. oh yes.. Lemur.. Papa Hicks and Gazebo with a lovely sunny morning in Hudson.. Papa Hicks cooing about a return to 'Bama and Gazebo and Lemur on final warm-up for the Tarney !
Weather was perfect.. golf was OK.. and beyond that is all a bit of a blur.. sorry chaps..
Oh yes.. alice is at home around this point on the phone trying to get Leafs/Habs ticket packs.. if only he'd played golf instead.. his day would not have been such a waste!..hehe
Weather was perfect.. golf was OK.. and beyond that is all a bit of a blur.. sorry chaps..
Oh yes.. alice is at home around this point on the phone trying to get Leafs/Habs ticket packs.. if only he'd played golf instead.. his day would not have been such a waste!..hehe
Golf Terms !
A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.
A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.
A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.
A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.
A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.
An 'O.J.'- got away with one.
A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.
A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver.
A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.
A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole.
A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right.
A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds.
A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read.
A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out.
A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist.
A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees.
A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.
An 'Earl Jones' - a great shot, but when you get there it's gone.
A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.
A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.
A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.
A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.
An 'O.J.'- got away with one.
A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.
A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver.
A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.
A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole.
A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right.
A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds.
A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read.
A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out.
A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist.
A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees.
A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.
An 'Earl Jones' - a great shot, but when you get there it's gone.
August 31st - Ile De Montreal
Alice, Dr Dolittle, DD's bro, and Lemur head east for a return to the Ireland course.
Lemur is a little overenthusiastic, arriving at the course before the others, before the course opens, and before the sun has even come up... coffee.. practice and the chaps are on their way.
Someone stole the Drs swing and replaced it with a real one!!!.. rotation, hitting the middle of the ball with a square club face.. shock horror !!...
Lemur starts stongly with a birdie on the first, then a couple of bogies. Phew.. thats the hard start over with. On to the short par 3... DOH !!.. triple!!!.
Alice has a stonger start... right up to the 9th hole.. 4 putts later, and alice is ready to start the back 9 with avengance after throwing the offending ball to oblivion.
The back 9 sees an increase in the wind, from Alice as well as the westher, DD continues to amaze all with his drives, fed from sibling rivalry as his bro can hit a drive when he connects... The 18th sees Lemur falter with a double, DDs brother overestimating the length of his drive by about 100 yards, and Alice sinking a 40 footer for a par..
The Tarnish Cup is two weeks away. The Lady holder will be absent despite his best chance to avoid looking after her for another year. The two former champs are lamenting the OOBgolf handicapping possibly enabling a new winner.. NOOOOO!!!.. Its MINE !!!!....
Lemur is a little overenthusiastic, arriving at the course before the others, before the course opens, and before the sun has even come up... coffee.. practice and the chaps are on their way.
Someone stole the Drs swing and replaced it with a real one!!!.. rotation, hitting the middle of the ball with a square club face.. shock horror !!...
Lemur starts stongly with a birdie on the first, then a couple of bogies. Phew.. thats the hard start over with. On to the short par 3... DOH !!.. triple!!!.
Alice has a stonger start... right up to the 9th hole.. 4 putts later, and alice is ready to start the back 9 with avengance after throwing the offending ball to oblivion.
The back 9 sees an increase in the wind, from Alice as well as the westher, DD continues to amaze all with his drives, fed from sibling rivalry as his bro can hit a drive when he connects... The 18th sees Lemur falter with a double, DDs brother overestimating the length of his drive by about 100 yards, and Alice sinking a 40 footer for a par..
The Tarnish Cup is two weeks away. The Lady holder will be absent despite his best chance to avoid looking after her for another year. The two former champs are lamenting the OOBgolf handicapping possibly enabling a new winner.. NOOOOO!!!.. Its MINE !!!!....
August 23rd - Victorien
Lemur to Alice "6.15am at Wallmart?"
Alice to Lemur "See you at 6.14"
Crack to Both "See you at the course"
Crack at the course "I need to hit a few balls before we play". (after 1st hole tee shot)
Crack... see above!>..
Dagenator on the other hand needs to such practice.. he's such a natural!..
Just the 4 up at Victorien, and some healthy discussion on the first tee. Dagenator shows a little too much confidence on the first tee, and alice immediately sees a problem, and pulls out of the birdie and putt challenge. Lemur follows suit, not because of the same detection, but is still waiting for his lunch to be bought by Dag from a few days before hand, and feared if he owed Lemur any more cash, it may be affecting his credit scoring. Lemur suggests the white tees, leading to a full discussion that Lemur may not have enough testosterone to compete, but the butch boys fall in line, and its off the whites this time around.
Alice's poker-like insight proves its worth, with Dagenator scoring 2 birdies in the round. Alice does well on the front nine, and falters on the back. Lemur is back to his old tricks, only waking up on the 10th tee. Crack is having none of these shinanegans, and finds his driver is cooperating this morning, sending drive after drive down the middle of the fairway..well.. mostly. Lemur sends his wedge off the shaft into the trees on 11.. Alice finds the trees on 15 after thinking that a cut would make it around the dogleg. The only cut out there for Alice is the required cutting of the forest for the line of his shot. Crack yet again proves that his lower intestine should be considered for an entry in Canada's Got Talent, as long as the event is held in an outdoor location, the judges should survive.
Dag and Lemur clean up in the team competition, despite Lemurs aweful putting, on aweful greens. Looks like our last visit to the Mirabel course this year. Hope to find true greens and grass on the tee boxes next week !>..
Alice to Lemur "See you at 6.14"
Crack to Both "See you at the course"
Crack at the course "I need to hit a few balls before we play". (after 1st hole tee shot)
Crack... see above!>..
Dagenator on the other hand needs to such practice.. he's such a natural!..
Just the 4 up at Victorien, and some healthy discussion on the first tee. Dagenator shows a little too much confidence on the first tee, and alice immediately sees a problem, and pulls out of the birdie and putt challenge. Lemur follows suit, not because of the same detection, but is still waiting for his lunch to be bought by Dag from a few days before hand, and feared if he owed Lemur any more cash, it may be affecting his credit scoring. Lemur suggests the white tees, leading to a full discussion that Lemur may not have enough testosterone to compete, but the butch boys fall in line, and its off the whites this time around.
Alice's poker-like insight proves its worth, with Dagenator scoring 2 birdies in the round. Alice does well on the front nine, and falters on the back. Lemur is back to his old tricks, only waking up on the 10th tee. Crack is having none of these shinanegans, and finds his driver is cooperating this morning, sending drive after drive down the middle of the fairway..well.. mostly. Lemur sends his wedge off the shaft into the trees on 11.. Alice finds the trees on 15 after thinking that a cut would make it around the dogleg. The only cut out there for Alice is the required cutting of the forest for the line of his shot. Crack yet again proves that his lower intestine should be considered for an entry in Canada's Got Talent, as long as the event is held in an outdoor location, the judges should survive.
Dag and Lemur clean up in the team competition, despite Lemurs aweful putting, on aweful greens. Looks like our last visit to the Mirabel course this year. Hope to find true greens and grass on the tee boxes next week !>..
August 16th - Riviere Rouge "Virgin Classic" day 2
Day two sees Lemur and Papa Hicks host Stiffy and Alice at the small but cute track west of Vaudreuil. Alice and Stiffy are walking to the driving range, and unfortunately Lemur just missed them as his car zooms towards the car park. The NO DRIVER rule on the driving range gets ignored completely as the tough competitors rattle the fence with their drives (the side fence.. the 200 yard back fence is way out of reach).
On to the course.. and its a skins game of Virgins against .. errr.. non Virgins. Alice takes early command, with 3 pars in 3 holes, then.. oops.. Lemur gets just short of the green in 2 on the same par 5, then takes three more shots to get up to the hole... 2 holes later.. then a rather large oops for lemur, a save by PH, but the virgins take the front 9 by one hole. On to the back and the same fun is had, leading to the 18th hole, with two good drives by Alice and Lemur. Alice dumps his second shot into the hazard, lemur safely onto the green. Alice gets a stiffy with his 4th shot two feet from the hole.. and.. again.. Lemur takes three shots to get to the hole from the bottom of the green.. The virgins break theur cherries.. and collect a few bucks in the process. (am sure there's a word for that).
An excellent weekend, and Virginities are no more.. well.. you know what I mean.
On to the course.. and its a skins game of Virgins against .. errr.. non Virgins. Alice takes early command, with 3 pars in 3 holes, then.. oops.. Lemur gets just short of the green in 2 on the same par 5, then takes three more shots to get up to the hole... 2 holes later.. then a rather large oops for lemur, a save by PH, but the virgins take the front 9 by one hole. On to the back and the same fun is had, leading to the 18th hole, with two good drives by Alice and Lemur. Alice dumps his second shot into the hazard, lemur safely onto the green. Alice gets a stiffy with his 4th shot two feet from the hole.. and.. again.. Lemur takes three shots to get to the hole from the bottom of the green.. The virgins break theur cherries.. and collect a few bucks in the process. (am sure there's a word for that).
An excellent weekend, and Virginities are no more.. well.. you know what I mean.
August 15th - Quatre Domaines "Virgin Classic" day 1
So its a virgin round of golf at Quatre Domaines for Lemur, Murray (yet to be named.. hehe), and Gazebo (even though Stiffy and Alice are convinced he's played there before... perhaps one of the very few rounds that Gazebo would rather forget). Hosting the virgins in the first group is Alice, who is anything bit a virgin on this course (need I say more?). Group two contains Dagenator, Grand Par (back from a trip to the wilderness, of the maritimes, via Connecticut. The word is he took a wrong turn after the Champlain bridge and noticed his error 5 hours later), Domino (name about to be changed... hehe and Stiffy. Its a game of middle two scores count, with the usual birdies for a toonie, putts for a loonie amongst a few of the competitors. Alice and Lemur are hoping that Dagenator does well today as we're worried that were extracting too much quam from him these days.... ok.. I'm full of it.. no we're not.. keep it coming Dag !.
Fun to be had all around the course. 3 players 4 putt the par 4 Group 1 becomes group 2 when Gazebo and lemur put in some custom bacon orders at the turn, much to the disgust of Alice who would be half way through the back 9 by now if it wasn't for these slow b@$t@rd$. Gazebo and lemur chuckle in the bar watching Alice get all upset.. hehe.
At this point Crack shows his disdain to all his fellow competitors by dropping the gaseous contents of his guts on the 10th tee. He really ought to get that checked out.. its not normal! Most players then screw up the 10th hole. not a completely unrelated incident... However.. Murray did not, and also excelled on the par three shortly thereafter when the smell of a local farm was wafting over the course. Do I feel there is a possible name related to his elevated skill level when there is a smell of poop in the air??. Absolutely !. Nominations appreciated, or I'll just make an arbitrary decision.
The players get together at the 17th tee due to slow play. Domino shows off his skill, by aiming to the trees on the right, and plopping it in the water on the left. Crack and Stiffy collaborate and conclude that his name be be changed to a more severe one than Domino, and so ...
GRAND BANANE ... is born.
Loonies and toonies exchange hands for the next ten minutes over beer, and Lemur has no clue if he's still owed money or not.. so decides that Crack probably owes him something, and is happy with that... on to day 2 !!
Fun to be had all around the course. 3 players 4 putt the par 4 Group 1 becomes group 2 when Gazebo and lemur put in some custom bacon orders at the turn, much to the disgust of Alice who would be half way through the back 9 by now if it wasn't for these slow b@$t@rd$. Gazebo and lemur chuckle in the bar watching Alice get all upset.. hehe.
At this point Crack shows his disdain to all his fellow competitors by dropping the gaseous contents of his guts on the 10th tee. He really ought to get that checked out.. its not normal! Most players then screw up the 10th hole. not a completely unrelated incident... However.. Murray did not, and also excelled on the par three shortly thereafter when the smell of a local farm was wafting over the course. Do I feel there is a possible name related to his elevated skill level when there is a smell of poop in the air??. Absolutely !. Nominations appreciated, or I'll just make an arbitrary decision.
The players get together at the 17th tee due to slow play. Domino shows off his skill, by aiming to the trees on the right, and plopping it in the water on the left. Crack and Stiffy collaborate and conclude that his name be be changed to a more severe one than Domino, and so ...
GRAND BANANE ... is born.
Loonies and toonies exchange hands for the next ten minutes over beer, and Lemur has no clue if he's still owed money or not.. so decides that Crack probably owes him something, and is happy with that... on to day 2 !!
August 11th - Manitou/Le Diable "Almost Invitational"
Almost Aussie jets across the pond to host the event, arriving a little later than usual due to plane issues in Newark. His private jet needed to replenish beer, shrimp and sheep before making it up to Montreal.
An immediate sentimental moment as Lemur meets Almost at the airport, with his golf travel bag still sporting the same large splat of bird poop emblazoned on the front. If that bird knew it had created a logo, it could be worth millions!
a 7am meet up north of Laval with The Dagenator and we're on our way to Tremblant. Dark clouds ahead cause frowns on the brows of our intrepid golfing heroes, and a few minutes later the skiess open and Lemurs Audi gets its first wash of the day. He concludes that driving faster gets it cleaner, but the motor is having none of it, complaining that it's oil level is low and wants some more lube.
A quick stop at the petroleum rip off station, and a quick decision to grab some breakfast has the golfers get back into the car, pull out of the station, turn back in to the Tim Hortons car park, only to park within 4 metres of the starting point. the chaps conclude that we're all taking turns in being less than bright this morning, apart from Dag of course who is always alert....... until a point in time 1/2 an hour later on arrival at Manitou when he realizes that 'THE MURSE' is still at Tim's. Almost is left with the bags, and Lemur and Dag scoot back to the brekki point. THE MURSE and its owner are reunited. Lemur wonders if Dagenator should be renamed MURSELESS (perhaps a future discussion).
Almost greets the arrival back at Manitou and its on to the course. no warm up (thanks to Dag) and on to the first tee. The chaps decide to be macho and play from the tips (on a par 58 course), and onwards. Almost and Dagenator strike first with a birdie each, leaving Lemur catching up later in the round with 2 of them. a few trips into the sand for various players reveal the bunkers are made from rocks, some of which could genuinely be used for a rock garden. An immediate local rule brought into play allowing removal of the rocks from around the balls to prevent damage to the head and shaft.
Par 4s are brought to their knees with big drives to the green. Dag nails one..overcooks one.. and f*&ks one up (but still scores par after a Tiger-esque recovery from the deep stuff). Final scores on the Manitou..
Lemur - 65, Dag - 68, Almost - 75
Lunch in downtown St Jovite, then on to Diable
Waste bunkers are the order of the day on Diable, and they're MONSTERS. great holes in the planet sucking balls in from every direction. Almost makes an early entry into the wasteland, Lemur quickly follows, but Dag opens up the round with a brace of pars.
on to the third and we're joined by a local. 'ET' was his name. unfortunatley this alien sucks the life from the 'Man of Murse' and his golf game starts to falter. Almost is having a tough round, Lemur is doing pretty well, and Dag is varied, but all having a fun afternoon, and the sun is shining. Highlight of the round for all. Cart girl selling 2 for 2 on Coors light !. Dagenator continues his trend of burning the sides of the cup, culminating on the 17th hole when his 10 foot putt, travelling towards the hole .A foot away from the target, Dag calles out "FINALLY" ... only for the putt to burn past the hole.
Lemus finishes with a triple bogey to end what was a pretty good round, Dag is a bit unhappy at the round costing 15 bucks more than it needed to, and Almost hoping that his golf over the next two weeks in the US increases in quality and decreases in shot count. A curry at Sahibs in Pointe Claire rounds off the day.
An immediate sentimental moment as Lemur meets Almost at the airport, with his golf travel bag still sporting the same large splat of bird poop emblazoned on the front. If that bird knew it had created a logo, it could be worth millions!
a 7am meet up north of Laval with The Dagenator and we're on our way to Tremblant. Dark clouds ahead cause frowns on the brows of our intrepid golfing heroes, and a few minutes later the skiess open and Lemurs Audi gets its first wash of the day. He concludes that driving faster gets it cleaner, but the motor is having none of it, complaining that it's oil level is low and wants some more lube.
A quick stop at the petroleum rip off station, and a quick decision to grab some breakfast has the golfers get back into the car, pull out of the station, turn back in to the Tim Hortons car park, only to park within 4 metres of the starting point. the chaps conclude that we're all taking turns in being less than bright this morning, apart from Dag of course who is always alert....... until a point in time 1/2 an hour later on arrival at Manitou when he realizes that 'THE MURSE' is still at Tim's. Almost is left with the bags, and Lemur and Dag scoot back to the brekki point. THE MURSE and its owner are reunited. Lemur wonders if Dagenator should be renamed MURSELESS (perhaps a future discussion).
Almost greets the arrival back at Manitou and its on to the course. no warm up (thanks to Dag) and on to the first tee. The chaps decide to be macho and play from the tips (on a par 58 course), and onwards. Almost and Dagenator strike first with a birdie each, leaving Lemur catching up later in the round with 2 of them. a few trips into the sand for various players reveal the bunkers are made from rocks, some of which could genuinely be used for a rock garden. An immediate local rule brought into play allowing removal of the rocks from around the balls to prevent damage to the head and shaft.
Par 4s are brought to their knees with big drives to the green. Dag nails one..overcooks one.. and f*&ks one up (but still scores par after a Tiger-esque recovery from the deep stuff). Final scores on the Manitou..
Lemur - 65, Dag - 68, Almost - 75
Lunch in downtown St Jovite, then on to Diable
Waste bunkers are the order of the day on Diable, and they're MONSTERS. great holes in the planet sucking balls in from every direction. Almost makes an early entry into the wasteland, Lemur quickly follows, but Dag opens up the round with a brace of pars.
on to the third and we're joined by a local. 'ET' was his name. unfortunatley this alien sucks the life from the 'Man of Murse' and his golf game starts to falter. Almost is having a tough round, Lemur is doing pretty well, and Dag is varied, but all having a fun afternoon, and the sun is shining. Highlight of the round for all. Cart girl selling 2 for 2 on Coors light !. Dagenator continues his trend of burning the sides of the cup, culminating on the 17th hole when his 10 foot putt, travelling towards the hole .A foot away from the target, Dag calles out "FINALLY" ... only for the putt to burn past the hole.
Lemus finishes with a triple bogey to end what was a pretty good round, Dag is a bit unhappy at the round costing 15 bucks more than it needed to, and Almost hoping that his golf over the next two weeks in the US increases in quality and decreases in shot count. A curry at Sahibs in Pointe Claire rounds off the day.
August 9th - St Raphael
Hoping that someone writes something for this TGA event .. or Lemur will make up stories of unusual bonding activities involving Dagenator getting a Stiffy in the Gazebo thanks to Alice.
It's Official !
By an overwhelming majority... VFM is hereby renamed...
Dr Dolittle !!
Any further evidence of him using Fauna to improve his game. Please report them !
Dr Dolittle !!
Any further evidence of him using Fauna to improve his game. Please report them !
Tip Videos !
As if your head isn't already full of garbage... Check out this site. Trahan senior offering videos etc as well as tips galore. I don't agree with all of them as my game is already perfect.. but.. some good stuff here.. including a 10 part video series for free.
http://www.peakperformancegolfswing.com/
Regards....Lemur
http://www.peakperformancegolfswing.com/
Regards....Lemur
August 1st- Golf Des Ile
An early start for the TGA tour vets, and its on our way east. Lemur extra excited (no.. not like that) because its his first time in the la Fontaine tunnel!. Graeme and Papa Hicks keep him calm, as he's driving.
Arrival at the course, green fees paid, and the intrepid adventurers hop on the golf ferry (a raft with a motor) to get across to the island. Feelings of the deep south, or even Africa spring to mind. Alice is ALREADY at the course, even though he was on a late one last night, joined by VFM, Dagenator, Harry Putter and Blair (soon to be named.. hehe).
Talk on the first tee is if the Canadians have ever heard of 'dogging', a UK phenomenon where couples go to a quite spot with the full knowledge that they will be watched bouncing around in the car by some dirty old men doing a quick five-fingered-knuckle-shuffle while they watch the action . evidently (according to lemur) the large park leading to the golf course would likely be used for this purpose should it be in Blighty. After a quick survey, the conclusion is... no.. dogging has not been exported as yet.
Out onto the course has Alice, Dag, Blair and Graeme in the first group, with lemur, Harry, Papa and VFM in the second.
Notes from the round.
Hole 4 sees harry Putter put his drive in the bunker (see lesson in next para), his second shot into the next bunker, his next into the green side bunker, and his next in the same bunker. he wasn't a happy chap. The two representatives from across the pond then engaged in comparison of accents for the the recent sand experience. Now if you want to practice, here's how it goes.
John, being from the soft south, with a distinct Essex accent would pronounce the word bunker as follows. Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BAANGKA!"
This can be used in the following sentence as quoted by Harry P on the course..
"not annava faackin Baangka!"
This is different in the Yorkshire dialact, where men are men, sheep are scared, and electricity hasn't quite reached there yet.Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BOONGKA"
This can be used in the following sentence on the following hole where Lemur pulled his approach shot left into a sand trap.
"Fookin ell! Its gone in t boongka!" (using up one of his allowed curses for the round)
Onwards... Dag hits the pin on his exit from the boongka/baangka, and fails to convert the put. One of many birdies that passed the poor chap by..
VFM scores what he thinks may be his only par of the round at the par 3 sixth. Even has the audacity to call his par when he still had a tricky three footer for the par.
By the 9th, the second foursome notes Papa Hicks always driving his ball to the ladies tee. Perhaps there's a hidden side to Papa we don't know about.. Could he actually be Mama Hicks???
The first group starts to identify that Dagenator is trying to increase his chances of collecting putt dollars, and he is described as a bit of a "Minge Seeker".. Hmmmmm if his name wasn't already a great one.. i'd be voting for a name change for the Dag. Feel free to comment on this point.
At around this time, Blair starts to talk about his hero, John Daly, and his panchance for wives. This leads on to Blair indicating that for a couple of mill, he'd put up with the punishment. this led to discussions on 'anal bruising' and other less savoury injuries possible. Alice recalls a discussion with a UK colleague, indicating that 'to be an arsehole' in the UK is OK, bt a 'steaming arsehole' is not so great. (Alice.. you've been had.. an arse is an arse is an ass, but don't let it stop you chatting with UK fellows on the subject. Let us know how you get on). Back to Blair.. (hehe), the discussion around his willingness to gimp for the resurgent PGA tour pros gives the TGA Tour committee its opportunity to strike. By a vote in the car on the way home, proposed by Graeme, and seconded by Papa Hicks and Lemur, Blair is now hereby named....
" Mrs. Daly " !.. Good work Blair.. one of the TGA Tours finer pseudonyms!
Back on with the round.
Lemur his his first clean iron shot on the 10th, and never looks back, scorching the back 9..
Harry Putter pulls out his wood and strokes it with impunity to the adoration of the nearby onlookers. His playing partners decide that he ought to use his wood more often as he uses it with such professionalism.
The seminal moment of the round happens around the 17th green and 18th tee. VFM approaches the green, and is suddenly surrounded by what must be a couple of hundred seagulls, all jostling to get sight of VFMs putts. This amazing sight is surpassed moments later on the tee at the 18th. With a tee shot over water, VFM is the last to drive. While lining up his tee shot, a line of eight or nine Canadian Geese actually STOP before crossing the probable line of VFM's drive. by some miracle VFM has instructed the winged fauna to wait a moment to avoid injury. it was a sight to behold. Now this leads me to propose the following. That VFM be renamed Dr. Dolittle for his ability to talk to the animals. Without an opportunity to put this to the vote, a survey is hereby put in front of you the TGA Tour pros. Please indicate your preference on the survey.
The round finishes soon after, and a return trip on the hydrofoil returns us to our autos and the route home. Des Ile golf course receives the approval of all as an excellent addition to the TGA Tour.
We shall return !.
Arrival at the course, green fees paid, and the intrepid adventurers hop on the golf ferry (a raft with a motor) to get across to the island. Feelings of the deep south, or even Africa spring to mind. Alice is ALREADY at the course, even though he was on a late one last night, joined by VFM, Dagenator, Harry Putter and Blair (soon to be named.. hehe).
Talk on the first tee is if the Canadians have ever heard of 'dogging', a UK phenomenon where couples go to a quite spot with the full knowledge that they will be watched bouncing around in the car by some dirty old men doing a quick five-fingered-knuckle-shuffle while they watch the action . evidently (according to lemur) the large park leading to the golf course would likely be used for this purpose should it be in Blighty. After a quick survey, the conclusion is... no.. dogging has not been exported as yet.
Out onto the course has Alice, Dag, Blair and Graeme in the first group, with lemur, Harry, Papa and VFM in the second.
Notes from the round.
Hole 4 sees harry Putter put his drive in the bunker (see lesson in next para), his second shot into the next bunker, his next into the green side bunker, and his next in the same bunker. he wasn't a happy chap. The two representatives from across the pond then engaged in comparison of accents for the the recent sand experience. Now if you want to practice, here's how it goes.
John, being from the soft south, with a distinct Essex accent would pronounce the word bunker as follows. Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BAANGKA!"
This can be used in the following sentence as quoted by Harry P on the course..
"not annava faackin Baangka!"
This is different in the Yorkshire dialact, where men are men, sheep are scared, and electricity hasn't quite reached there yet.Please say the following phonetically and loud to get the full effect...
"BOONGKA"
This can be used in the following sentence on the following hole where Lemur pulled his approach shot left into a sand trap.
"Fookin ell! Its gone in t boongka!" (using up one of his allowed curses for the round)
Onwards... Dag hits the pin on his exit from the boongka/baangka, and fails to convert the put. One of many birdies that passed the poor chap by..
VFM scores what he thinks may be his only par of the round at the par 3 sixth. Even has the audacity to call his par when he still had a tricky three footer for the par.
By the 9th, the second foursome notes Papa Hicks always driving his ball to the ladies tee. Perhaps there's a hidden side to Papa we don't know about.. Could he actually be Mama Hicks???
The first group starts to identify that Dagenator is trying to increase his chances of collecting putt dollars, and he is described as a bit of a "Minge Seeker".. Hmmmmm if his name wasn't already a great one.. i'd be voting for a name change for the Dag. Feel free to comment on this point.
At around this time, Blair starts to talk about his hero, John Daly, and his panchance for wives. This leads on to Blair indicating that for a couple of mill, he'd put up with the punishment. this led to discussions on 'anal bruising' and other less savoury injuries possible. Alice recalls a discussion with a UK colleague, indicating that 'to be an arsehole' in the UK is OK, bt a 'steaming arsehole' is not so great. (Alice.. you've been had.. an arse is an arse is an ass, but don't let it stop you chatting with UK fellows on the subject. Let us know how you get on). Back to Blair.. (hehe), the discussion around his willingness to gimp for the resurgent PGA tour pros gives the TGA Tour committee its opportunity to strike. By a vote in the car on the way home, proposed by Graeme, and seconded by Papa Hicks and Lemur, Blair is now hereby named....
" Mrs. Daly " !.. Good work Blair.. one of the TGA Tours finer pseudonyms!
Back on with the round.
Lemur his his first clean iron shot on the 10th, and never looks back, scorching the back 9..
Harry Putter pulls out his wood and strokes it with impunity to the adoration of the nearby onlookers. His playing partners decide that he ought to use his wood more often as he uses it with such professionalism.
The seminal moment of the round happens around the 17th green and 18th tee. VFM approaches the green, and is suddenly surrounded by what must be a couple of hundred seagulls, all jostling to get sight of VFMs putts. This amazing sight is surpassed moments later on the tee at the 18th. With a tee shot over water, VFM is the last to drive. While lining up his tee shot, a line of eight or nine Canadian Geese actually STOP before crossing the probable line of VFM's drive. by some miracle VFM has instructed the winged fauna to wait a moment to avoid injury. it was a sight to behold. Now this leads me to propose the following. That VFM be renamed Dr. Dolittle for his ability to talk to the animals. Without an opportunity to put this to the vote, a survey is hereby put in front of you the TGA Tour pros. Please indicate your preference on the survey.
The round finishes soon after, and a return trip on the hydrofoil returns us to our autos and the route home. Des Ile golf course receives the approval of all as an excellent addition to the TGA Tour.
We shall return !.
July 26th - St Raphael
TGA Tour heads back to Ile Bizzard, and its a virgin round on the nearby course for Stiffy and Alice, despite the proximity of their homes to the course. Papa Hicks, his buddy Andy, Alice's buddy Michele, Lemur , Gazebo and Geary make up a full set of two tee times.
Arrival at the course sees gazebo already on the practice range, having camped out with his kids overnight, he's been at the course since before dawn as he couldn't handle the amount of ganga is nippers were smoking. The rain has not wicked up his leg on this occasion , so the length of his practice time cannot be independently verified. The TGA tour stars all enthuse about the price of the round.. 65 bucks, including free range balls (Gazebo has hit around 1300 so he calculates that the money he's saved means that the course now owes him money), free water, free pull cart (trolley in brit-speak) if you need it !...what a deal!.
Alice, Michele, Gaz and Geary (now to be named Domino until someone comes up with something better, as he's got more slice than a Domino's pizza !) head up the groups, with the second group ready to buzz their towers if alice is a slow as usual. 9not likely me thinks)
The skys darken, and after teeing off at the 6th, Lemur advises Stiffy that we were going to be taken off the course in a minute. 2 seconds later, the claxxon goes off signalling course evacuation. group 2 head straight for the clubhouse for a hearty breakfast and to watch the end of the grand prix. Unfortunatley, group 1 push on. The group had the excellent idea of taking shelter in the latrine on the course. 4 guys in the loo... hmmmm , i was wondering why they were all holding back smiles when Lemur met them on the 8th green with an electric cart and offers to ferry them back to the club house. The damp TGA tour stars arrive back in the club house, with Domino about to tuck into Lemurs breakfast... after Lemur went out on to the course to retrieve him !> What thanks is that??
An hour or so later, after watching Hamilton win his first grand prix of the season, the stars are back out onto a rather soggy course!.
The second group has fun for the rest of the round, and due to the 19th hole being after the 5th, and before the 6th 2nd shot, or after the 8th, or whatevva, the first group makes a quick getaway. Personally i think its Alice and Gazebo evading paying me for no birdies and 34 puts, but knowing the little devils, they probably went round the whole course missing green deliberately !
Late news from the first group, that after restarting after the rain delay, they play a not-so well 9th hole, with Alice and Gazebo putting it in the water next to the green. unfortunately, the 9th hole doesn't have any water next to the green, even after the downpour. Hmmm.. note to team.. playing the right course is helpful, esspecially as Alice is having a superb round, and this was one of his few dropped shot holes!.
on to next week, and the race for the TGA Tour trophy is really hotting up (unlike Papa Hicks putter today).
Arrival at the course sees gazebo already on the practice range, having camped out with his kids overnight, he's been at the course since before dawn as he couldn't handle the amount of ganga is nippers were smoking. The rain has not wicked up his leg on this occasion , so the length of his practice time cannot be independently verified. The TGA tour stars all enthuse about the price of the round.. 65 bucks, including free range balls (Gazebo has hit around 1300 so he calculates that the money he's saved means that the course now owes him money), free water, free pull cart (trolley in brit-speak) if you need it !...what a deal!.
Alice, Michele, Gaz and Geary (now to be named Domino until someone comes up with something better, as he's got more slice than a Domino's pizza !) head up the groups, with the second group ready to buzz their towers if alice is a slow as usual. 9not likely me thinks)
The skys darken, and after teeing off at the 6th, Lemur advises Stiffy that we were going to be taken off the course in a minute. 2 seconds later, the claxxon goes off signalling course evacuation. group 2 head straight for the clubhouse for a hearty breakfast and to watch the end of the grand prix. Unfortunatley, group 1 push on. The group had the excellent idea of taking shelter in the latrine on the course. 4 guys in the loo... hmmmm , i was wondering why they were all holding back smiles when Lemur met them on the 8th green with an electric cart and offers to ferry them back to the club house. The damp TGA tour stars arrive back in the club house, with Domino about to tuck into Lemurs breakfast... after Lemur went out on to the course to retrieve him !> What thanks is that??
An hour or so later, after watching Hamilton win his first grand prix of the season, the stars are back out onto a rather soggy course!.
The second group has fun for the rest of the round, and due to the 19th hole being after the 5th, and before the 6th 2nd shot, or after the 8th, or whatevva, the first group makes a quick getaway. Personally i think its Alice and Gazebo evading paying me for no birdies and 34 puts, but knowing the little devils, they probably went round the whole course missing green deliberately !
Late news from the first group, that after restarting after the rain delay, they play a not-so well 9th hole, with Alice and Gazebo putting it in the water next to the green. unfortunately, the 9th hole doesn't have any water next to the green, even after the downpour. Hmmm.. note to team.. playing the right course is helpful, esspecially as Alice is having a superb round, and this was one of his few dropped shot holes!.
on to next week, and the race for the TGA Tour trophy is really hotting up (unlike Papa Hicks putter today).
July 24th - Caughnawaga (mid week event!)
Gazebo's TGA Tour blog entry!! (just coz he books a tee time, he's now thinking that he's all organised and decides to make a blog contribution !.. he must be really fed up of being on holiday!)
Over to Gazebo....
Attending TGA Tour regulars, Lemur, Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
Gazebo shows up to find Papa Hicks being schooled on the driving range by, I didn't catch his name but if he showed up at my front door I
would be inclined to call him Matt, a man with no legs and only one arm. Lemur announces his bag of balls (the ones purchased from the
clubhouse) has filled him with confidence and he will be having a stellar round. Gazebo hopes he doesn't have to hit a wedge this round.
Bets today are the usual putting contest between Lemur and Gazebo, and a match play contest that pitts Lemur against the formidible duo of
Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
First tee and the threesome are joined by Ha-Lee, a sweet quiet little woman who outdrives us all on most holes.
Lemur starts by rolling in a 20 foot putt on the first hole for a BIRDIE, a one hole lead in the match, $1 from Gazebo and ... ( do other
TGA tour vets owe him $2 if they are not there ? ) The shy Ha-Lee mentions how short she feels and Gazebo realizes that, at 6'2", he is by
far the shortest male in the foursome. Ha-Lee is about the same height as Matt (without the prosthetics).
Holes 2-6 are all the same, Lemur hits good drive, good approach, good putt. Papa Hicks hits good drive, good approach bad
putt(s)...Gazebo hits good drive, bad approach, penalty stroke, good putt. Lemur is up 3 holes in the match by the time we get to the
seventh hole.
Most holes Ha-Lee is hiding behind a tree while the 3 big men hit from the Blue tee's. On the 7th she is standing off at a 45 degree angle
while Gazebo tries to hit an 8 iron 170 yds to the par 3. Gazebo proceeds to hit his tee shot at a 25 degree angle sending Ha-Lee behind a
tree where she pulls out her cell phone. Lemur suggest she is calling her husband to pick her up...QUICK. Papa Hicks doesn't like the use
of cell phones on the golf course so he hits a low stinger through Ha-Lee's tee box, almost ringing it off the garbage keg. After 9 holes
Ha-Lee announces she has had enough.
The front nine has Lemur comfortably ahead 3 holes in the match but down $3 to Gazebo's hot putter. The 10th hole sees Gazebo only having
to Two-putt from 3 feet to win the hole but Lemur still walks to the 11th tee with a 3 hole lead.
On the 13th, Lemur and Gazebo are rudely discussing Transhumnism as a religion while Papa Hicks is teeing off. His failed tee shot
obviously caused by the thoughtlessness of his fellow competitors, he tees up another. Lemur blinks his left eye EXACTLY when Papa Hicks
starts his downswing (when are the British going to learn manners) and Papa Hicks gets another do-over. This time he takes full advantage
and almost reaches the fairway. Lemur plays the 13 pretending he is Gazebo, big drive, bad approach, chip, chip, chip, putt, putt and his
lead has been reduced.
Alas, a couple of holes later Lemur wins the match 3 and 2. Once the match was in hand Lemur starts missing greens on purpose and ends up
with 31 putts to Gazebos 32 putts :-( Papa hicks hits the green on the 208 yd 17th (no, he didn't par) and Gazebo finished 6 inches short
of breaking 100.
A couple of Molson Dry's in the clubhouse to celebrate a great afternoon without a drop of rain.
Over to Gazebo....
Attending TGA Tour regulars, Lemur, Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
Gazebo shows up to find Papa Hicks being schooled on the driving range by, I didn't catch his name but if he showed up at my front door I
would be inclined to call him Matt, a man with no legs and only one arm. Lemur announces his bag of balls (the ones purchased from the
clubhouse) has filled him with confidence and he will be having a stellar round. Gazebo hopes he doesn't have to hit a wedge this round.
Bets today are the usual putting contest between Lemur and Gazebo, and a match play contest that pitts Lemur against the formidible duo of
Papa Hicks and Gazebo.
First tee and the threesome are joined by Ha-Lee, a sweet quiet little woman who outdrives us all on most holes.
Lemur starts by rolling in a 20 foot putt on the first hole for a BIRDIE, a one hole lead in the match, $1 from Gazebo and ... ( do other
TGA tour vets owe him $2 if they are not there ? ) The shy Ha-Lee mentions how short she feels and Gazebo realizes that, at 6'2", he is by
far the shortest male in the foursome. Ha-Lee is about the same height as Matt (without the prosthetics).
Holes 2-6 are all the same, Lemur hits good drive, good approach, good putt. Papa Hicks hits good drive, good approach bad
putt(s)...Gazebo hits good drive, bad approach, penalty stroke, good putt. Lemur is up 3 holes in the match by the time we get to the
seventh hole.
Most holes Ha-Lee is hiding behind a tree while the 3 big men hit from the Blue tee's. On the 7th she is standing off at a 45 degree angle
while Gazebo tries to hit an 8 iron 170 yds to the par 3. Gazebo proceeds to hit his tee shot at a 25 degree angle sending Ha-Lee behind a
tree where she pulls out her cell phone. Lemur suggest she is calling her husband to pick her up...QUICK. Papa Hicks doesn't like the use
of cell phones on the golf course so he hits a low stinger through Ha-Lee's tee box, almost ringing it off the garbage keg. After 9 holes
Ha-Lee announces she has had enough.
The front nine has Lemur comfortably ahead 3 holes in the match but down $3 to Gazebo's hot putter. The 10th hole sees Gazebo only having
to Two-putt from 3 feet to win the hole but Lemur still walks to the 11th tee with a 3 hole lead.
On the 13th, Lemur and Gazebo are rudely discussing Transhumnism as a religion while Papa Hicks is teeing off. His failed tee shot
obviously caused by the thoughtlessness of his fellow competitors, he tees up another. Lemur blinks his left eye EXACTLY when Papa Hicks
starts his downswing (when are the British going to learn manners) and Papa Hicks gets another do-over. This time he takes full advantage
and almost reaches the fairway. Lemur plays the 13 pretending he is Gazebo, big drive, bad approach, chip, chip, chip, putt, putt and his
lead has been reduced.
Alas, a couple of holes later Lemur wins the match 3 and 2. Once the match was in hand Lemur starts missing greens on purpose and ends up
with 31 putts to Gazebos 32 putts :-( Papa hicks hits the green on the 208 yd 17th (no, he didn't par) and Gazebo finished 6 inches short
of breaking 100.
A couple of Molson Dry's in the clubhouse to celebrate a great afternoon without a drop of rain.
July 19th - Ile Perrot - E-p-i-c-o-r Golf Day
No TGA Tour event this week as a bunch of the players were at Ile Perrot for the E-p-i-c-o-r Golf Day (organised by lemur and Dagenator.. who then teamed up.. lit up the course.. won.. then politely didn't win.. but got a decent prize anyway..).. A grand day.
July 11th - Ile De Montreal
OK.. so I should have posted this blog WEEKS ago, but, no one's reading it, so who cares !.. ;-)
A group of 6 TGA tour pros heading to the east end. Crack, Alicve, VFM, Dagenator, Lemur, and Graeme (2nd appearance on tour.. gonna have to name him soon!)
Graeme, Crack and Lemur team up for the 18, with the other chaps bringing up the rear (ooer).
Crack decides after the first hole that he's not in the birdie competition for the day, and the threesome debate whether dropping out after the game has started is allowable, then he decides he's in, and the debate continues.. If he'd birdies the first he would have definitely been in, so Crack is informed he is in breach of TGA rules and must play the remainder of the round shirtless. second thoughts.. not a great idea ..
Other round highlights....
Graeme decides that he shoudl play golf as a back hander.. not a bad idea after seeing his forehand..
Alice has some trouble with wind... when he was with the wind.. he was crap, but against the wind he was awesome (or was it the other way around.. ??. who cares??..
Speaking of wind.. Crack must ave spent the entire week eating cabbage, as almost every hole adding methane to the atmosphere. Graeme and Lemur concluded that Crack had ejected more than 4 times the volume of his lower intestine. At 4 times the volume, (i.e. 4 atmospheres), this translates to 58.78 pounds per square inch. That would have been more than capable of powering Cracks ball around the course without the need for clubs. Just a variable pressure air hose would have done the trick!
Dagenator had a tough day, highlighted only by his drive on the 3rd. The remainder was a sorry collection of shots, and when the leading group looked back to the par 3 12th to see Dag fall to his knees with his hands on his head.. we knew it wasn't going well.
Back to Crack for the last thought (as if the last picture in your mind was not enough). Seeing Camillo Villegas on TV has inspired Crack to do more alignment on his puts. However, unlike Camillo who has to balance himself as Spiderman with one foot beneath him, Crack has no such worries, his $30000 beer belly (sponsored by Molson) does a far better job of raising him from the ground to look down the putting line.
My question to finish.. Who needs Spiderman when you've got a Crack?????
A group of 6 TGA tour pros heading to the east end. Crack, Alicve, VFM, Dagenator, Lemur, and Graeme (2nd appearance on tour.. gonna have to name him soon!)
Graeme, Crack and Lemur team up for the 18, with the other chaps bringing up the rear (ooer).
Crack decides after the first hole that he's not in the birdie competition for the day, and the threesome debate whether dropping out after the game has started is allowable, then he decides he's in, and the debate continues.. If he'd birdies the first he would have definitely been in, so Crack is informed he is in breach of TGA rules and must play the remainder of the round shirtless. second thoughts.. not a great idea ..
Other round highlights....
Graeme decides that he shoudl play golf as a back hander.. not a bad idea after seeing his forehand..
Alice has some trouble with wind... when he was with the wind.. he was crap, but against the wind he was awesome (or was it the other way around.. ??. who cares??..
Speaking of wind.. Crack must ave spent the entire week eating cabbage, as almost every hole adding methane to the atmosphere. Graeme and Lemur concluded that Crack had ejected more than 4 times the volume of his lower intestine. At 4 times the volume, (i.e. 4 atmospheres), this translates to 58.78 pounds per square inch. That would have been more than capable of powering Cracks ball around the course without the need for clubs. Just a variable pressure air hose would have done the trick!
Dagenator had a tough day, highlighted only by his drive on the 3rd. The remainder was a sorry collection of shots, and when the leading group looked back to the par 3 12th to see Dag fall to his knees with his hands on his head.. we knew it wasn't going well.
Back to Crack for the last thought (as if the last picture in your mind was not enough). Seeing Camillo Villegas on TV has inspired Crack to do more alignment on his puts. However, unlike Camillo who has to balance himself as Spiderman with one foot beneath him, Crack has no such worries, his $30000 beer belly (sponsored by Molson) does a far better job of raising him from the ground to look down the putting line.
My question to finish.. Who needs Spiderman when you've got a Crack?????
July 4th - The Falcon
OK..so i'm still trying to catch up on the blogs.. and we're back at The Falcon!
Lemur, Papa Hicks, Alice, Dagenator, Grand Par, Neville (guest of Grand Par)... and.. at the first tee.. up pops Gazebo !!.
The clubhouse is looking fabulous.. if you're from the stone age.. actually.. no.. there's no stone.. just mud.
Lemur returning to the site of his 5 iron accident.. decides his 5 iron is his new favourite club.. Alice has an excellent round finishing with an 82. Lemur kept up with the star on the first 9, but couldnt keep up after a few 7s appeared on his card. Dagenator had an average round, finished with a sub 90 score.. and confessed days later that he'd missed a hole out !. keep an eye on The Dag for future bet confirmation
Grand Par has a good round, then decides his approach shot to the 18th green should really be on the 10th tee. Neville finds out that Lemurs guest set of clubs are a guest set for a reason. Papa Hicks putter adopts is usual magnetic attraction to the hole. Gazebo decides that the quickest way to the 2nd green is down the third fairway, and rumour has it he still scored an 11 or something..
Lemur collects some cash.. and STILL waits for crack to cough up from Victorien !
Lemur, Papa Hicks, Alice, Dagenator, Grand Par, Neville (guest of Grand Par)... and.. at the first tee.. up pops Gazebo !!.
The clubhouse is looking fabulous.. if you're from the stone age.. actually.. no.. there's no stone.. just mud.
Lemur returning to the site of his 5 iron accident.. decides his 5 iron is his new favourite club.. Alice has an excellent round finishing with an 82. Lemur kept up with the star on the first 9, but couldnt keep up after a few 7s appeared on his card. Dagenator had an average round, finished with a sub 90 score.. and confessed days later that he'd missed a hole out !. keep an eye on The Dag for future bet confirmation
Grand Par has a good round, then decides his approach shot to the 18th green should really be on the 10th tee. Neville finds out that Lemurs guest set of clubs are a guest set for a reason. Papa Hicks putter adopts is usual magnetic attraction to the hole. Gazebo decides that the quickest way to the 2nd green is down the third fairway, and rumour has it he still scored an 11 or something..
Lemur collects some cash.. and STILL waits for crack to cough up from Victorien !
June 27th - Victorien
OK.. I should really write a nice long blog immediately after the round so I can remember the highlights.. but here's Lemur, almost 2 weeks later trying to remember the round.. I can't remember much.. but here's some random thoughts.
1. Got Wind renamed Harry Putter !.. Thanks to the black attire and the cool rain hat.
2. Alice in a bit of a hurry. Is on the 3rd tee while his own group is still on the 1st green !.
3. Crack phones up Alice coz there's a bit of rain hoping the game is cancelled.
4. It wasn't.. and it p^&*ed down for most of the round.
5. Group 1 finished 50 minutes before group 2 , and Crack and Alice disappear before they have to pay up .
6. Gazebo has a good start, he can find his ball for his second shot, unfortunately not the third.
7. Has Geary got a name yet??
8. Crack asks for a rain check in the club house after 9 holes.. He's such a WUSS!
9. Dagenator has quite a good round.
10. Grand-par has to wait 50 minutes at the end of his round for a ride home.
Thanks for the memories.. Am surprised I remembered 10 !!
1. Got Wind renamed Harry Putter !.. Thanks to the black attire and the cool rain hat.
2. Alice in a bit of a hurry. Is on the 3rd tee while his own group is still on the 1st green !.
3. Crack phones up Alice coz there's a bit of rain hoping the game is cancelled.
4. It wasn't.. and it p^&*ed down for most of the round.
5. Group 1 finished 50 minutes before group 2 , and Crack and Alice disappear before they have to pay up .
6. Gazebo has a good start, he can find his ball for his second shot, unfortunately not the third.
7. Has Geary got a name yet??
8. Crack asks for a rain check in the club house after 9 holes.. He's such a WUSS!
9. Dagenator has quite a good round.
10. Grand-par has to wait 50 minutes at the end of his round for a ride home.
Thanks for the memories.. Am surprised I remembered 10 !!
June 20th – Les Quatre Domaines
Dagenator blogs like a pro (wrestler)...
Finally, Lemur takes a week off! The TGA stalwarts who DID show up this week were Alice, Dagenator, Papa Hicks and the newly-christened 'Stiffy' (Carveth, making his first appearance of the season.)
The West Island Express got the suburbanites to the course with plenty of time for driving range and chipping/putting and as usual, Dagenator pulled up in the rear, applauding the last of their mighty and (somewhat wayward) swings. Stiffy did offer him a few balls but seeing as how his balls weren't exactly straight, Dagenator demurred, not wanting to catch anything.
But it was all for naught, as the first drive of the day saw Dagenator's tee shot sail high, and fading left, left, left… thud! Saved by the tree.
With Lemur away, the curse ratio dropped significantly – but that could be also a factor of some of the boys playing some very solid golf, and let's face it, Papa Hicks is way too much of a gentleman; Stiffy in particular was playing like a man who has spent the off-season actively forgetting all his bad habits, and not having had time to discover his new ones. Be patient, grasshopper; they'll be back.
Dagenator put in a solid front 5 until Alice's (evil bastard) swing thought caught up to him: "you know, that's a really good drive you got going – it'll work well until you start duck hooking them later on". After that, it was random drive time again, crowned by the 16th tee where the group watched his first 'drive' rifle forward 30 yards (well, partly forward) then carom backwards, over their heads, and into the forest behind the tee box. The image of Stiffy cringing on the ground, hands over his head, and asking for his Mommy can be credited for keeping Dagenator's curse count down and his spirits up.
Alice for his part lived up to his name, tripping over his mangina with disturbing regularity - this was very helpful for those others (other?) in the birdie competition (the only birdie being scored by Stiffy, on his namesake hole). And in the spirit of curse reduction, he was heard on several occasions to utter the dreaded and obscene "fudge, fudge" (wash that man's mouth out!). But still, even scoring a snowman on the cursed 9th hole, Alice managed a respectable 88, so he doesn't have much to complain about. And Papa Hicks shot an exceptional 98, breaking 100 for the first time this year; this is especially impressive considering he dropped two into the drink off the tee on the closing hole.
On to Victorien, young sirs!
Finally, Lemur takes a week off! The TGA stalwarts who DID show up this week were Alice, Dagenator, Papa Hicks and the newly-christened 'Stiffy' (Carveth, making his first appearance of the season.)
The West Island Express got the suburbanites to the course with plenty of time for driving range and chipping/putting and as usual, Dagenator pulled up in the rear, applauding the last of their mighty and (somewhat wayward) swings. Stiffy did offer him a few balls but seeing as how his balls weren't exactly straight, Dagenator demurred, not wanting to catch anything.
But it was all for naught, as the first drive of the day saw Dagenator's tee shot sail high, and fading left, left, left… thud! Saved by the tree.
With Lemur away, the curse ratio dropped significantly – but that could be also a factor of some of the boys playing some very solid golf, and let's face it, Papa Hicks is way too much of a gentleman; Stiffy in particular was playing like a man who has spent the off-season actively forgetting all his bad habits, and not having had time to discover his new ones. Be patient, grasshopper; they'll be back.
Dagenator put in a solid front 5 until Alice's (evil bastard) swing thought caught up to him: "you know, that's a really good drive you got going – it'll work well until you start duck hooking them later on". After that, it was random drive time again, crowned by the 16th tee where the group watched his first 'drive' rifle forward 30 yards (well, partly forward) then carom backwards, over their heads, and into the forest behind the tee box. The image of Stiffy cringing on the ground, hands over his head, and asking for his Mommy can be credited for keeping Dagenator's curse count down and his spirits up.
Alice for his part lived up to his name, tripping over his mangina with disturbing regularity - this was very helpful for those others (other?) in the birdie competition (the only birdie being scored by Stiffy, on his namesake hole). And in the spirit of curse reduction, he was heard on several occasions to utter the dreaded and obscene "fudge, fudge" (wash that man's mouth out!). But still, even scoring a snowman on the cursed 9th hole, Alice managed a respectable 88, so he doesn't have much to complain about. And Papa Hicks shot an exceptional 98, breaking 100 for the first time this year; this is especially impressive considering he dropped two into the drink off the tee on the closing hole.
On to Victorien, young sirs!
TGA Tour Naming Guide
Mr Carveth recently enquired as to how TGA Tour players receive their names. So we (the TGA Tour Management committee), thought it would be useful to publish a guide on TGA Tour Naming convention.
Step 1 - TGA Tour player is identified in having a unique feature (e.g. Papa Hicks looking like Taylor Hicks of American idol fame) or named as a result of some unique escapade on the golf course (see Roofer, Lemur or Gazebo for details), or something as simple as a discussion point on the way to the golf course about the state of the drivers windscreen (wonder if Crack has had his crack filled yet?).
Step 1.5 - The player themselves promotes a name , only to be rejected, and some twisted version of the same suggested (e.g. Carveth suggesting his name be "Pinseeker" or something equally lame).
Step 2 - One of the committee members raises the twisted version or other antics to other members of the committee (in this case, Alice discussing with Lemur and Dagenator), and then the name is confirmed.
Step 3 - The member is advised of their new name... in this case.. Mr Carveth... (kneeling).., thanks to thy dead aim at the hole with your balls, and your shaft swinging true, and the ball even nuzzling itself against the pole you were aiming at.. you are hereby named.... " Stiffy " . Go forth and play well young sir.
Step 1 - TGA Tour player is identified in having a unique feature (e.g. Papa Hicks looking like Taylor Hicks of American idol fame) or named as a result of some unique escapade on the golf course (see Roofer, Lemur or Gazebo for details), or something as simple as a discussion point on the way to the golf course about the state of the drivers windscreen (wonder if Crack has had his crack filled yet?).
Step 1.5 - The player themselves promotes a name , only to be rejected, and some twisted version of the same suggested (e.g. Carveth suggesting his name be "Pinseeker" or something equally lame).
Step 2 - One of the committee members raises the twisted version or other antics to other members of the committee (in this case, Alice discussing with Lemur and Dagenator), and then the name is confirmed.
Step 3 - The member is advised of their new name... in this case.. Mr Carveth... (kneeling).., thanks to thy dead aim at the hole with your balls, and your shaft swinging true, and the ball even nuzzling itself against the pole you were aiming at.. you are hereby named.... " Stiffy " . Go forth and play well young sir.
June 13th - Metropolitain
OK.. its a new week.. and a new attitiude (well.. for Lemur anyway).
Got Wind, Dagenator, Lemur and Blair (yet to be named... or maybe not !) invetigate a potential new course for the TGA Tour.
Blair didnt see the first two holes.. bit late getting out of bed..rushes to the third green to meet the chaps.. GW tells him its an 8 iron.. Blair rushes to tee box.. hits 8 iron WAY over the green. GW feels slightly guilty that he should have told him we were playing from the blue tees this morning.. OOPS !
Lemur took a very good suggestion to limit the number of curses on the course to two. By the time the first hole was over .. they had both been used.. after a duff second shot resulted in a "Bollox!" shout, and then a practice pitch to the green had a "bag of shite" description of his own practice swing. Takes a 'swearing mulligan' for both, and then concentrates on not bloody swearing.. and worked.. mostly. Used his second official curse up on the 18th.
Dagenator has a good round.. ish.. and Got Winds trusty 3 iron sees a lot of action off the tee... unfortunately Dag left his putter at home this time, so the "now weekly" RIMMER award goes to him. Good work fella.
The course was .. .OK.. Good for the locals.. but if the west islanders (and further west) chaps are going that far.. has to be Ile De Montreal I'm afraid. On to next week !!..
Got Wind, Dagenator, Lemur and Blair (yet to be named... or maybe not !) invetigate a potential new course for the TGA Tour.
Blair didnt see the first two holes.. bit late getting out of bed..rushes to the third green to meet the chaps.. GW tells him its an 8 iron.. Blair rushes to tee box.. hits 8 iron WAY over the green. GW feels slightly guilty that he should have told him we were playing from the blue tees this morning.. OOPS !
Lemur took a very good suggestion to limit the number of curses on the course to two. By the time the first hole was over .. they had both been used.. after a duff second shot resulted in a "Bollox!" shout, and then a practice pitch to the green had a "bag of shite" description of his own practice swing. Takes a 'swearing mulligan' for both, and then concentrates on not bloody swearing.. and worked.. mostly. Used his second official curse up on the 18th.
Dagenator has a good round.. ish.. and Got Winds trusty 3 iron sees a lot of action off the tee... unfortunately Dag left his putter at home this time, so the "now weekly" RIMMER award goes to him. Good work fella.
The course was .. .OK.. Good for the locals.. but if the west islanders (and further west) chaps are going that far.. has to be Ile De Montreal I'm afraid. On to next week !!..
June 7th - The Falcon
I really hate writing a blog when i had a nightmare.. next time the guy who enjoys the day the most gets to write the blog so he can have a positive spin.. and not be all grumpy like wot I woz !
Crack, VFM, Alice, Dagenator, Lemur and ... errr.. who was the last one.. course is on his doorstep.. nice guy..drives a jeep... bit wayward off the tee.. chips one handed.. GAzebo !!.. how could I forget...
Anyway.. back to being grumpy.. everyone had a fun round apart from me.. 13th hole.. lost 2 Pro V1s, and made my five iron 18 inches shorter when i threw it to the floor in disgust... a harsh lesson...
My learnings from the round (its like writing lines at school)
1. I must have a better attitude.
2. I must stop swearing on the course so f%^&ing much
3. I must repair my five iron.
4. While i'm at it.. I must repair my electric cart.
5. I must not throw clubs up trees.
6. When I think about it.. I'm very embarrassed and should be reminded of the above on every future occassion to keep me chilled out.
Maybe then I'll break 90 in the right direction.. here endeth the lesson.
Crack, VFM, Alice, Dagenator, Lemur and ... errr.. who was the last one.. course is on his doorstep.. nice guy..drives a jeep... bit wayward off the tee.. chips one handed.. GAzebo !!.. how could I forget...
Anyway.. back to being grumpy.. everyone had a fun round apart from me.. 13th hole.. lost 2 Pro V1s, and made my five iron 18 inches shorter when i threw it to the floor in disgust... a harsh lesson...
My learnings from the round (its like writing lines at school)
1. I must have a better attitude.
2. I must stop swearing on the course so f%^&ing much
3. I must repair my five iron.
4. While i'm at it.. I must repair my electric cart.
5. I must not throw clubs up trees.
6. When I think about it.. I'm very embarrassed and should be reminded of the above on every future occassion to keep me chilled out.
Maybe then I'll break 90 in the right direction.. here endeth the lesson.
May 30th - TGA season break
A few at the Duff Brewery Invitational, Alice in Lake Placid, and VFM wondering why he's the only one wanting to play !
May 25th - Le Versant
OK.. so.. being a bit lethargic in getting this blog posted.. possibly in direct correlation to my skills on the course !. BUT... not to let that get in the way of some general fun at our expense.
The stars for the day... Group 1 - Grand Par, Gazebo, Lemur and a the first appearance of Martin Geary !.. Group 2 - , Roofer, Alice and Dagenator
Gazebo has a bit of a delayed start, missing the walmart rendezvous, but with the directional skill and heavy right foot sufficient to catch the convoy, which was pretty lucky , as beyond the junction with the 13 was going to be a problem, and we'd see him sometime on Tuesday afternoon!.
The chaps were greeted by a sunny, but slightly breezy Des Seigneurs course.
Highlights of the round...
Lemur.. continues to struggle to find the ball with the middle of the club, preferring on many occasions to attempt to hit with the shaft. Not a good strategy for low scoring.
Geary (yet to be named), has a good virgin round on the TGA Tour 09, assisted by a consistent, if a little to the right, drive.. and iron.. and wedge. BUT.. if you can count on it.. you can use it.. as he aims 20 degrees left of the fairway.
Grand Par.. is getting a solid season together so far, even if his driver is sounding like an empty cookie tin (when hit properly).Scores another birdie, and STILL not in the toonie birdie competition!
Gazebo.. has a 2 foot putt on the last hole to break 100. Scores 100... but does offer Lemur the advise that his derriere is moving about to much in his swing. (hmm.. think there's more to Gazebo than he's been telling us.)
Alice... Consistency paying off.. breaks 90 in the RIGHT direction.(That's not right!)
Dagenator... seems to be having a few driver issues... but still a picture of consistency elsewhere.
Roofer.. Seems to be having a few more issues, and fails to tell the group that he COULD have made it to the Duff the following weekend as he never even mentioned it to Mrs Roofer.. Not even to say that he wasn't going (in order to earn some brownie points for another occassion!).. sigh..
The stars for the day... Group 1 - Grand Par, Gazebo, Lemur and a the first appearance of Martin Geary !.. Group 2 - , Roofer, Alice and Dagenator
Gazebo has a bit of a delayed start, missing the walmart rendezvous, but with the directional skill and heavy right foot sufficient to catch the convoy, which was pretty lucky , as beyond the junction with the 13 was going to be a problem, and we'd see him sometime on Tuesday afternoon!.
The chaps were greeted by a sunny, but slightly breezy Des Seigneurs course.
Highlights of the round...
Lemur.. continues to struggle to find the ball with the middle of the club, preferring on many occasions to attempt to hit with the shaft. Not a good strategy for low scoring.
Geary (yet to be named), has a good virgin round on the TGA Tour 09, assisted by a consistent, if a little to the right, drive.. and iron.. and wedge. BUT.. if you can count on it.. you can use it.. as he aims 20 degrees left of the fairway.
Grand Par.. is getting a solid season together so far, even if his driver is sounding like an empty cookie tin (when hit properly).Scores another birdie, and STILL not in the toonie birdie competition!
Gazebo.. has a 2 foot putt on the last hole to break 100. Scores 100... but does offer Lemur the advise that his derriere is moving about to much in his swing. (hmm.. think there's more to Gazebo than he's been telling us.)
Alice... Consistency paying off.. breaks 90 in the RIGHT direction.(That's not right!)
Dagenator... seems to be having a few driver issues... but still a picture of consistency elsewhere.
Roofer.. Seems to be having a few more issues, and fails to tell the group that he COULD have made it to the Duff the following weekend as he never even mentioned it to Mrs Roofer.. Not even to say that he wasn't going (in order to earn some brownie points for another occassion!).. sigh..
May 16th - St. Raphael
Papa Hicks is all excited (nooo not like THAT !!). His first golfing trip to Ile Bizzard!. He's so excited.. he forgets he's collecting LT and gets on his way!. Gazebo is determined... he's been at the golf course since 6am to get some early practice in on the range. Dagenator spots confirmation of his early rise, as water from the course has already started wicking its way up his trousers/pants/whateva!!.(its reached his knees). The 6 six TGA Tour vets, namely ..Dagenator, Gazebo, Papa Hicks, Crack, Robin (now named 'VFM' until someone comes up with something better.. Value For Money.. he has the lowest cost-per shot of 'the Tour' so far ;-)), err.. where was I .. oh yes.. and LT, are joined by Graeme, organiser of the "Duff Brewery Invitational 2009" . he's making a guest appearance on the Tour to ensure the Duff entrants (LT, Gazebo and Dag) are not sandbagging their way to Duff glory at the end of the month. The 7 is also joined by a walk on player, Corey, who spends the next 18 holes wondering WTF is this group of crazies doing playing golf.???
Ank introduces LT to the Canadian way of picking the teams, namely collecting all the putters from everyone, throwing them onto the wet grass... chipping paint from the quality putters themselves and then throwing them randomly around the grass area. Errr. Thanks for the quick hockey lesson Ank... is it ok if I give you a quick slap for f&*king up my putting mojo?? ;-)
putting competition .. nearest pin on the par 3s.. and a team whack n hack game...
Highlights ....
Crack... Gotta be the par 3 8th.. tee shot... splash... re-tee shot... splash... drop zone shot... splash... drop zone next shot... PIIING.. hits the top of the concrete surrounding the green and bounces through the green to the back min..fringe. Took a 10. tried to convince LT that his second tee shot was for fun.. and he was carding an 8... and not a 10.... yeah right!!. Took solace from LTs previous experience of the same hole.. a 13 !.
LT.... Not a good round today.. carding a 1...0.. 7 (sigh...).. Highlighted by a countless number of shanked wedges.. and when a lob wedge flubbed on 16.. lost his cool, and launched the lob wedge into the blue yonder.. only to have it get caught up in a connifer/cedar tree.. approx 18 feet in the air... Scaled the tree with the dexterity of a small ape and retrieved it before anyone could get their cam ready on the cellphone.. later voted and seconded at the 19th hole, LT is now to be known as.. wait for it.. Lemur (he'd never heard of the word 'til then)
VFM.. 7th hole tee shot.. send his tee shot fading right.. a quick lesson from LT.. sorry.. Lemur.. and then sends his tee shot fading right.. that lesson cost him 3 bucks.. Thanks a bunch!!.. Later made par on a hole on the back nine.. proving that his VFM scoring goes down occasionally. 36.29 cents is his overall VFM score this week. Should suggest to OOB to add it as a stat!.
More comments to follow from the Dagenator for highlights from the 2nd fourball.
2nd fourball wins all the par 3 competitions... the overall match.. and Gazebo wins cash for the putting competition. Dag spends 45 minuties putting Lemurs scorecard back together on the promise of entering the scores after it was accidentally torn .. into 30 pieces.. WTF was the first team doing?. ("not much" according to Lemur and Crack)
Ank introduces LT to the Canadian way of picking the teams, namely collecting all the putters from everyone, throwing them onto the wet grass... chipping paint from the quality putters themselves and then throwing them randomly around the grass area. Errr. Thanks for the quick hockey lesson Ank... is it ok if I give you a quick slap for f&*king up my putting mojo?? ;-)
putting competition .. nearest pin on the par 3s.. and a team whack n hack game...
Highlights ....
Crack... Gotta be the par 3 8th.. tee shot... splash... re-tee shot... splash... drop zone shot... splash... drop zone next shot... PIIING.. hits the top of the concrete surrounding the green and bounces through the green to the back min..fringe. Took a 10. tried to convince LT that his second tee shot was for fun.. and he was carding an 8... and not a 10.... yeah right!!. Took solace from LTs previous experience of the same hole.. a 13 !.
LT.... Not a good round today.. carding a 1...0.. 7 (sigh...).. Highlighted by a countless number of shanked wedges.. and when a lob wedge flubbed on 16.. lost his cool, and launched the lob wedge into the blue yonder.. only to have it get caught up in a connifer/cedar tree.. approx 18 feet in the air... Scaled the tree with the dexterity of a small ape and retrieved it before anyone could get their cam ready on the cellphone.. later voted and seconded at the 19th hole, LT is now to be known as.. wait for it.. Lemur (he'd never heard of the word 'til then)
VFM.. 7th hole tee shot.. send his tee shot fading right.. a quick lesson from LT.. sorry.. Lemur.. and then sends his tee shot fading right.. that lesson cost him 3 bucks.. Thanks a bunch!!.. Later made par on a hole on the back nine.. proving that his VFM scoring goes down occasionally. 36.29 cents is his overall VFM score this week. Should suggest to OOB to add it as a stat!.
More comments to follow from the Dagenator for highlights from the 2nd fourball.
2nd fourball wins all the par 3 competitions... the overall match.. and Gazebo wins cash for the putting competition. Dag spends 45 minuties putting Lemurs scorecard back together on the promise of entering the scores after it was accidentally torn .. into 30 pieces.. WTF was the first team doing?. ("not much" according to Lemur and Crack)
May 9th - Ile De Montreal
This week's TGA event takes us to the Ireland links course at Ile de Montreal. The foursome this day are: Alice, Crack, Dag and Gazebo.
A 6am depart time from Walmart see's Alice and Crack waiting on Gazebo, and then receiving an email on Alices BB that he just got up (slacker!)
Alice and Crack arrive to hit some balls from the practice area and are joined no to long afterwards by Dag and Gazebo (finally getting himself out of bed)
The decision is made to play this round from the blue tee's, the fescue looking short and should be manageable (just ask Gazebo!), weather forecast was
for rain and thunderstorms, but it turns out to only be overcast, with some sunny breaks. I'm wondering if this doppler weather radar technology even works, I'd like to see a weather forcast that simply advises
you to "stick your head outside"...and that's my rant against the weather people.
Highlights, lowlights and general nonsense:
- the first hole and it looks like it's going to be a long day already! Posted scores: 2 doubles, a triple and a quad!
- Alice is driving the ball uncommonly well and straight down the pipe, everyone is wondering where his swing has come from, oh hang on...there it is...by the 7th hole he's back to his usual
swing and ball flight
- for the most part Alice and Crack manage to stay on or close to the fairway, dag and gazebo seem to like the challenge of playing from the hills, Dag to the left and Gazebo to the right.
- The general consensus is if Gazebo could ever staighten his drives, the most he'd have would be a chip onto most greens......
- What the hell has gotten into Crack's game? No slices, hooks, thinned, shanked or chunked shots until the second to last hole.....and then a quality chunk and I still can't putt!!!! ...(get in the hole ball, don't you want to go home ball! Suck my white ass ball!)- Only 1 birdie on the day, by Dag, made on #17, it's enough to win the day's birdie competition
- Alice is miffed that I pay Dag his $2 for his birdie, when I still owe Alice $4 from last week, oh well, suck it up....
- Overall some pretty good scores posted and some quality shots made, check out OOBGOLF for the stats
That's it, Crack signing off...until next time....
A 6am depart time from Walmart see's Alice and Crack waiting on Gazebo, and then receiving an email on Alices BB that he just got up (slacker!)
Alice and Crack arrive to hit some balls from the practice area and are joined no to long afterwards by Dag and Gazebo (finally getting himself out of bed)
The decision is made to play this round from the blue tee's, the fescue looking short and should be manageable (just ask Gazebo!), weather forecast was
for rain and thunderstorms, but it turns out to only be overcast, with some sunny breaks. I'm wondering if this doppler weather radar technology even works, I'd like to see a weather forcast that simply advises
you to "stick your head outside"...and that's my rant against the weather people.
Highlights, lowlights and general nonsense:
- the first hole and it looks like it's going to be a long day already! Posted scores: 2 doubles, a triple and a quad!
- Alice is driving the ball uncommonly well and straight down the pipe, everyone is wondering where his swing has come from, oh hang on...there it is...by the 7th hole he's back to his usual
swing and ball flight
- for the most part Alice and Crack manage to stay on or close to the fairway, dag and gazebo seem to like the challenge of playing from the hills, Dag to the left and Gazebo to the right.
- The general consensus is if Gazebo could ever staighten his drives, the most he'd have would be a chip onto most greens......
- What the hell has gotten into Crack's game? No slices, hooks, thinned, shanked or chunked shots until the second to last hole.....and then a quality chunk and I still can't putt!!!! ...(get in the hole ball, don't you want to go home ball! Suck my white ass ball!)- Only 1 birdie on the day, by Dag, made on #17, it's enough to win the day's birdie competition
- Alice is miffed that I pay Dag his $2 for his birdie, when I still owe Alice $4 from last week, oh well, suck it up....
- Overall some pretty good scores posted and some quality shots made, check out OOBGOLF for the stats
That's it, Crack signing off...until next time....
May 3rd - La Cite
It’s a gorgeous Sunday morning, and Slamma and TGA Tour vets, LT, Dagenator, Grand-Par (hitting the links hard after a short hiatus, by golfing both days!), Alice (back from Jamaica, looking tanned and relaxed) and Roofer making a rare appearance are joined by up and coming TGA Tour star Crack along with Robin (yet-to-be-named) and Crack's neighbour Doug (aptly filling in for Gazebo and probably shooting the same score ~ 125!)
The tour takes us to the province of Ontario for the first time, and the Hawkesbury course La Cite. It's not a long course, with the emphasis being on shot placement. The course was disappointing in the fact that there were about 5-6 temp greens, the course should have let us know at booking time, but we were out golfing on a beautiful day, so that made up for some of the disappointment.
This being our first double tee time of the year, teams are selected by captains Alice and LT, the teams are:
LT, Grand-Par, Dag and Robin
Alice, Crack, Roofer and neighbor Doug
As per usual, the birdie contest is on with Alice, LT, Dag and Crack (I think)....
I can't comment on the first group (I'm sure LT will provide commentary) but highlights from the 2nd group were:
- Alice plays his usual steady and safe game (I tried to coax and cajole him into trying the 220 yard 2nd shot over water to the green but he played it safe of course!) , except the back 9 which is a bit of a crap shoot with triples or birdies being the order of the day (talk about consistency!)
- Roofer really likes playing from the woods today and spends most of his day within the trees, even on the last hole where the only trees are 30 yards from the tee box on the left, Roofer decides that's where he wants to play from instead of somewhere on the fairway.
- Crack had a pretty steady round going and could have broken 90 for the first time in his life, which the golf gods must have realized, and thusly resulted in double bogeys on holes 16 and 17 (to take that dream away...aargh...) allowing him to post his usual score in the 90's
- neighbor Doug, what to say? Tough day but his bogeys on the last 2 holes will keep him coming back to the altar we call golf.
- There is talk about changing Crack's handle to Rim...(get in the hole ball, don't you want to go home ball! Suck my white ass ball!)
- Alice wins the birdie competition with 2 on the back 9 (I owe you $4!)
- Team 1 wins the team competition handily
until next time, Crack signing off.....
Short update from Team 1 highlights!
LT - There were no highlights... lowlight was 17.. Great tee shot.. great 5 wood.. but sneaks into a bunker.. shanks a lob wedge out of bounds.. or was it 18 when his driver gave up and he put two in the water.. no.. not the big bit of water... the stream 30 yards ahead of the tee box.
Grand Par - perhaps the shot of the TGA Tour season so far, 7 iron into the green on the 10th, bounces a foot before the hole, hits the flag and stops 3 inches from the cup (no.. he didn't miss the birdie putt)
Dagenator - Misses a birdie putt early in the round on the par 3..and another 2 foot putt missed on the back 9. Ah.. sorry.. forgot to mention.. he was putting on a fairway resembling a farmers field, and LT rolling out a line with his golf cart didn't help the line.
Robin.... Ah ... Robin Robin Robin... sigh... He had fun.. and good value for money.. Did lose his shades at one point, and after a tip from LT, stopped slicing his drives into the trees on the right... now he's pushing the ball directly there without the slice!. TGA Tour name STILL to be assigned to Robin... the list of choices is just too much !. (suggestions please !)
A great day... with the players suggesting that anyone but Crack chooses next weeks venue..
The tour takes us to the province of Ontario for the first time, and the Hawkesbury course La Cite. It's not a long course, with the emphasis being on shot placement. The course was disappointing in the fact that there were about 5-6 temp greens, the course should have let us know at booking time, but we were out golfing on a beautiful day, so that made up for some of the disappointment.
This being our first double tee time of the year, teams are selected by captains Alice and LT, the teams are:
LT, Grand-Par, Dag and Robin
Alice, Crack, Roofer and neighbor Doug
As per usual, the birdie contest is on with Alice, LT, Dag and Crack (I think)....
I can't comment on the first group (I'm sure LT will provide commentary) but highlights from the 2nd group were:
- Alice plays his usual steady and safe game (I tried to coax and cajole him into trying the 220 yard 2nd shot over water to the green but he played it safe of course!) , except the back 9 which is a bit of a crap shoot with triples or birdies being the order of the day (talk about consistency!)
- Roofer really likes playing from the woods today and spends most of his day within the trees, even on the last hole where the only trees are 30 yards from the tee box on the left, Roofer decides that's where he wants to play from instead of somewhere on the fairway.
- Crack had a pretty steady round going and could have broken 90 for the first time in his life, which the golf gods must have realized, and thusly resulted in double bogeys on holes 16 and 17 (to take that dream away...aargh...) allowing him to post his usual score in the 90's
- neighbor Doug, what to say? Tough day but his bogeys on the last 2 holes will keep him coming back to the altar we call golf.
- There is talk about changing Crack's handle to Rim...(get in the hole ball, don't you want to go home ball! Suck my white ass ball!)
- Alice wins the birdie competition with 2 on the back 9 (I owe you $4!)
- Team 1 wins the team competition handily
until next time, Crack signing off.....
Short update from Team 1 highlights!
LT - There were no highlights... lowlight was 17.. Great tee shot.. great 5 wood.. but sneaks into a bunker.. shanks a lob wedge out of bounds.. or was it 18 when his driver gave up and he put two in the water.. no.. not the big bit of water... the stream 30 yards ahead of the tee box.
Grand Par - perhaps the shot of the TGA Tour season so far, 7 iron into the green on the 10th, bounces a foot before the hole, hits the flag and stops 3 inches from the cup (no.. he didn't miss the birdie putt)
Dagenator - Misses a birdie putt early in the round on the par 3..and another 2 foot putt missed on the back 9. Ah.. sorry.. forgot to mention.. he was putting on a fairway resembling a farmers field, and LT rolling out a line with his golf cart didn't help the line.
Robin.... Ah ... Robin Robin Robin... sigh... He had fun.. and good value for money.. Did lose his shades at one point, and after a tip from LT, stopped slicing his drives into the trees on the right... now he's pushing the ball directly there without the slice!. TGA Tour name STILL to be assigned to Robin... the list of choices is just too much !. (suggestions please !)
A great day... with the players suggesting that anyone but Crack chooses next weeks venue..
May 2nd - Atlantide - Don Quichotte
A double header TGA Tour weekend, with Day 1 at the tip of ile Perrot on the Don Quichotte course. LT is up early deciding whether to bear his legs or not. Its a bit chilly, but decides against it, only to feel inferior to Papa Hicks as he shows up at the door, clubs at the ready and the breeze wafting past his exposed knees. Not to be outdone , Grand Par and LT do a quick change, and off to the course. Gazebo hasn't given it a second thought, his standard issue cargo's getting another airing.
So its LT and Papa Hicks against Gazebo and Grand Par. The taller chaps get off to a flying start, winning the first few holes. GP and 'Gaz' steady the ship and start to chip back at the vertically unchallenged semi-pros.
The par 3 into the water provides some excitement, LT on the green (just), Papa Hicks and Grand par deciding to lay up (though not deliberately), and Gazebo sailing one off into the shimmering waters of Lac St Louis. The chaps decide to brave the blue tee for the trip back (with a Mulligan to the white tee if failure ensues). LT and Papa make it over. Gazebo hits a tremendous drive only to fade it a little and not quite make it. Grand Par is grateful of the mulligan.
Grand Par steadies the ship very well on the back nine, causing him to think seriously about joining the Champions Tour. LT continues his 09 season trend with a minor collapse but finishes with a birdie on 18. Gazebo is amazed at his score compared to his good round on Thursday (albiet scoring a 13 on on a hole due to excessive sand castle building). Papa Hicks plays solidly throughout, but wonders if his macho shorts strategy may have affected his balance (or was it the beers from last night...)
So its LT and Papa Hicks against Gazebo and Grand Par. The taller chaps get off to a flying start, winning the first few holes. GP and 'Gaz' steady the ship and start to chip back at the vertically unchallenged semi-pros.
The par 3 into the water provides some excitement, LT on the green (just), Papa Hicks and Grand par deciding to lay up (though not deliberately), and Gazebo sailing one off into the shimmering waters of Lac St Louis. The chaps decide to brave the blue tee for the trip back (with a Mulligan to the white tee if failure ensues). LT and Papa make it over. Gazebo hits a tremendous drive only to fade it a little and not quite make it. Grand Par is grateful of the mulligan.
Grand Par steadies the ship very well on the back nine, causing him to think seriously about joining the Champions Tour. LT continues his 09 season trend with a minor collapse but finishes with a birdie on 18. Gazebo is amazed at his score compared to his good round on Thursday (albiet scoring a 13 on on a hole due to excessive sand castle building). Papa Hicks plays solidly throughout, but wonders if his macho shorts strategy may have affected his balance (or was it the beers from last night...)
Friday 1st May !.. The night before
The biggest weekend of the tour so far!.. 4 TGA tour pros at Atlantide tomorrow morning.. and Crack has 6 playing at La Cite on Sunday !.. watch this space for a full report of the weekend's action.. with Crack himself doing the write-up for the Sunday action..
April 25th - Riviere Rouge
Its a gorgeous morning, and Slamma vet, Papa Hicks joins the TGA Tour!!..Joining LT and Dagenator for the trip down to Riviere Rouge. LT has the bright idea of making an early start and get some time on the range before tee-off.
The chaps hit the range, and LT spends most of his time hunting down his unbreakable tees, after launching them further than the balls!. Some quality time with some additional time around the green, and we're all set.
A friendly game of skins is the order of the day. A debate ensues between Dag and LT regarding the number of strokes that Papa should get to start the round, eventually settling on 12 .. Dag and LT start off with a double or bogey or two.. with Papa Hicks kicking off with 2 pars.. Errrr.. I did say we'd be receiving strokes didn't I ??
Papa hicks comes back down to earth on the 3rd, but battles onward. LT picks up his game on the 4th with a tidy birdie , hopefully collecting a toonie from the Dag...
Further highlights from the round....
LT going Quad.. treble.. double bogey midway through the back 9... nice... DOH !!!.
Dagenator finishing the front 9 with a ...rather large number.. including some excellent hockey skills trying to manoeuvre the ball on to the green.
Papa Hicks... apart from the opening couple of pars.. continues to find his putter on fire.. unless he was three putting.. spots extra large cans of bud light on the cart.. and suddenly the score doesn't matter so much!..
Dagenator plays three blinding shots to offer up a two foot birdie putt to cancell out the toonie to LT.. but the financial pressure takes its toll, and the toonie is still on its way to LTs beer fund.
The first of the summer days of golf !.. Even Dagenator was tempted to wear shorts... thankfully for his golfing mates.. he'll wait for another day to bare those pins...
The chaps hit the range, and LT spends most of his time hunting down his unbreakable tees, after launching them further than the balls!. Some quality time with some additional time around the green, and we're all set.
A friendly game of skins is the order of the day. A debate ensues between Dag and LT regarding the number of strokes that Papa should get to start the round, eventually settling on 12 .. Dag and LT start off with a double or bogey or two.. with Papa Hicks kicking off with 2 pars.. Errrr.. I did say we'd be receiving strokes didn't I ??
Papa hicks comes back down to earth on the 3rd, but battles onward. LT picks up his game on the 4th with a tidy birdie , hopefully collecting a toonie from the Dag...
Further highlights from the round....
LT going Quad.. treble.. double bogey midway through the back 9... nice... DOH !!!.
Dagenator finishing the front 9 with a ...rather large number.. including some excellent hockey skills trying to manoeuvre the ball on to the green.
Papa Hicks... apart from the opening couple of pars.. continues to find his putter on fire.. unless he was three putting.. spots extra large cans of bud light on the cart.. and suddenly the score doesn't matter so much!..
Dagenator plays three blinding shots to offer up a two foot birdie putt to cancell out the toonie to LT.. but the financial pressure takes its toll, and the toonie is still on its way to LTs beer fund.
The first of the summer days of golf !.. Even Dagenator was tempted to wear shorts... thankfully for his golfing mates.. he'll wait for another day to bare those pins...
April 18th and 19th - Belle Vue and Ile De Montreal
Ok golf fans.. its a double header weekend. Alice is out next weekend due to a trip to Jamaica, so he's keen to get extra golf in to cope with the famine-like conditions for golf over the next weekend. (poor chap).
Saturday !
So its Saturday morning at Belle Vue (Belle Vue course) and a bit of an early start. Alice, LT and Ankur (yet to be named) at Mc Donalds for a bit of early fuel... then off to Lery. Ank is designated driver in his luxury Chevy SUV, with Bob Marley offering directions to the course. I hope he's better than John Cleese!!. So the SUV has a unique safety feature. Ankur explains.. that the windscreen is pre-broken, so that when you're in an accident, you don't hurt yourself going through the windscreen as its already part way smashed. LT buys the idea, but Alice is suspicious , realising that stuck in the back seat, Its Ankur's head that needs to be pre-broken to ease the blow of his own 120km to zero in 1.2 seconds motion.
However !!.. it did eventually give Ank his pseudonym.. now to be known to all as 'Crack'.
Arrival at the course was a little early. LT opened the gates.. allowing the SUV into the grounds, allowing Crack to be scolded by a 112lb greenkeeper. Despite his robust stature, Crack was looking a little beaten after the encounter.
Dagenator (my apologies for omitting his reference to now).. travelled separately, and arrived when a golfer should arrive at the course.. soon enough to get some practice, but late enough so you can use LTs balls on the practice range.. (Yes.. they still hurt... woohoo!)
The golf was the driest so far. The course still suffering a little from the winter, but very playable. Hardly any puddles, and greens very receptive to the shot...err.. chip from the rough.
Highlights of the round....
Dagenator on the short par 4 5th.. dogleg left.. Should suit the fade he's developed.. unfortunately the dog leg is not a broken leg.. and loses it left big!!.. twice.. finds the first ball.. finds a gap through the trees.. makes a par..
LT on the 10th, after watching all the players tee off and go straight at the green, through the rough and past a tree.. decides NOT to play safe and follows their stupidity. All 4 balls are within 40 yards of the green, and is the only one to make par.
Crack... almost had his name changed to 'Rim' after burning countless putts past the hole, highlighted by the 14th with a 6 foot chance for birdie, rimming it again, and the poor chap needed counselling for the next few minutes.
Alice.. Has another blistering start with 3 pars in 3 holes.. What we really need now is a long par 5 and a wayward tee shot to bring him back dow... ah.. there it is.. Alice realises that the PGA tour will have to wait a while longer for his services... TGA tour for now..
A beer on the patio after the round, with the TGA Tour players wondering why they brought their rain gear, and Crack explaining to all that he wore shell suit bottoms to keep out the moisture, but also keep it in, and his legs are now as sweaty as if they'd been wrapped in plastic film.. hmmm.. nice thought to end the day on.. (trying not to chunder (hurl) as I write this).
Sunday !
So the TGA Tour arrives at the ile De Montreal Ireland course. Its a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. Alice is keen, turning up 3 hours early just to hit balls, and the St Lazarre contingent arrives in good time. Gazebo owes Alice some cash, so pays for his golf without telling him, only to find out that Alice has already paid for himself.. so.. FREE GOLF for Lord Taylor (woohoo!). Pelletier makes his first appearance of the year on tour, complete with a new driver, and the four determined hackers wander down the first telling Pelletier that 'its not the arrows.. its the Indian', but as long as he's happy.. so are we.
Now the first three holes at the Ireland course are known to be brutal, so LT and Alice are more than happy to get to the third green with a couple of bogey. LT is on the green in two and Alice is just off the green. Alice gets off the third with another bogey.. LT is still putting now, and limps off the hole having taken another 5 strokes to get the ball in the hole (it was a tough green.. honest!).. A brief exclaim to the heavens of his favourite stress relieving word (four letters.. rhymes with the last name of a famous British motor racing star of the 70's.. first name James)and he's brushed off his incident, and the short par 3 yields a feel-good par.
Gazebo is having fun.. His tee shot on the first was a thing of beauty, unfortunately she has an ugly sister that showed herself on the second.. oddly reappearing later in the round as she said hi to him again on the second hole of the back 9 !. Pelletier is having fun, having been told he should enjoy the course before the gorse grass grows for the year, St Lazarre's finest man decides he owes it to himself to visit all the hills on the first three holes. (We think he liked the view). Cleveland launcher comes good later in the round, and the fellow has his revenge on each of his comrades along the way.
Gazebo's driver starts to warm up, and a par at the 8th has the chap smiling. LT and Alice finish the front 9 with 40, with 3 birdies between them. LT wondering how something less that 5 putts could have helped that score !.
The 10th hole bites 3 of the golfers where it hurts, with Alice wondering what the hell was going on. Three buddies with lost balls in the rough out to the right, with 'mr Fade' in the middle of the fairway.
From there, Alice pressed home his advantage, Lord Taylor faltered, Gazebo found more of his drives going to the correct fairway, and Pelletier looked lovely at his new Cleveland Hi Bore and asked it if he could please give him a shot that was right.. on the 16th tee, it delivered, 160 yards forward uphill (and 50 yards.. à la droite)
Honours go to Alice for the day, although a birdie short of LT, had significantly less putts than he or Gazebo, collecting some loonies to spend on the beach next weekend...
Pelletiers naming will be given by democracy. The three nominations are....
1. Clouseau (searching for his balls in the grass required keen investigative techniques)
2. Monsieur la Droite (Mr Right, because he's such a fine chap, and nothing related to his drive direction)
3. Hi Bore (Because I like a driver that sounds like its a power drill.. and Robin's got one!)
your votes please !.
Saturday !
So its Saturday morning at Belle Vue (Belle Vue course) and a bit of an early start. Alice, LT and Ankur (yet to be named) at Mc Donalds for a bit of early fuel... then off to Lery. Ank is designated driver in his luxury Chevy SUV, with Bob Marley offering directions to the course. I hope he's better than John Cleese!!. So the SUV has a unique safety feature. Ankur explains.. that the windscreen is pre-broken, so that when you're in an accident, you don't hurt yourself going through the windscreen as its already part way smashed. LT buys the idea, but Alice is suspicious , realising that stuck in the back seat, Its Ankur's head that needs to be pre-broken to ease the blow of his own 120km to zero in 1.2 seconds motion.
However !!.. it did eventually give Ank his pseudonym.. now to be known to all as 'Crack'.
Arrival at the course was a little early. LT opened the gates.. allowing the SUV into the grounds, allowing Crack to be scolded by a 112lb greenkeeper. Despite his robust stature, Crack was looking a little beaten after the encounter.
Dagenator (my apologies for omitting his reference to now).. travelled separately, and arrived when a golfer should arrive at the course.. soon enough to get some practice, but late enough so you can use LTs balls on the practice range.. (Yes.. they still hurt... woohoo!)
The golf was the driest so far. The course still suffering a little from the winter, but very playable. Hardly any puddles, and greens very receptive to the shot...err.. chip from the rough.
Highlights of the round....
Dagenator on the short par 4 5th.. dogleg left.. Should suit the fade he's developed.. unfortunately the dog leg is not a broken leg.. and loses it left big!!.. twice.. finds the first ball.. finds a gap through the trees.. makes a par..
LT on the 10th, after watching all the players tee off and go straight at the green, through the rough and past a tree.. decides NOT to play safe and follows their stupidity. All 4 balls are within 40 yards of the green, and is the only one to make par.
Crack... almost had his name changed to 'Rim' after burning countless putts past the hole, highlighted by the 14th with a 6 foot chance for birdie, rimming it again, and the poor chap needed counselling for the next few minutes.
Alice.. Has another blistering start with 3 pars in 3 holes.. What we really need now is a long par 5 and a wayward tee shot to bring him back dow... ah.. there it is.. Alice realises that the PGA tour will have to wait a while longer for his services... TGA tour for now..
A beer on the patio after the round, with the TGA Tour players wondering why they brought their rain gear, and Crack explaining to all that he wore shell suit bottoms to keep out the moisture, but also keep it in, and his legs are now as sweaty as if they'd been wrapped in plastic film.. hmmm.. nice thought to end the day on.. (trying not to chunder (hurl) as I write this).
Sunday !
So the TGA Tour arrives at the ile De Montreal Ireland course. Its a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. Alice is keen, turning up 3 hours early just to hit balls, and the St Lazarre contingent arrives in good time. Gazebo owes Alice some cash, so pays for his golf without telling him, only to find out that Alice has already paid for himself.. so.. FREE GOLF for Lord Taylor (woohoo!). Pelletier makes his first appearance of the year on tour, complete with a new driver, and the four determined hackers wander down the first telling Pelletier that 'its not the arrows.. its the Indian', but as long as he's happy.. so are we.
Now the first three holes at the Ireland course are known to be brutal, so LT and Alice are more than happy to get to the third green with a couple of bogey. LT is on the green in two and Alice is just off the green. Alice gets off the third with another bogey.. LT is still putting now, and limps off the hole having taken another 5 strokes to get the ball in the hole (it was a tough green.. honest!).. A brief exclaim to the heavens of his favourite stress relieving word (four letters.. rhymes with the last name of a famous British motor racing star of the 70's.. first name James)and he's brushed off his incident, and the short par 3 yields a feel-good par.
Gazebo is having fun.. His tee shot on the first was a thing of beauty, unfortunately she has an ugly sister that showed herself on the second.. oddly reappearing later in the round as she said hi to him again on the second hole of the back 9 !. Pelletier is having fun, having been told he should enjoy the course before the gorse grass grows for the year, St Lazarre's finest man decides he owes it to himself to visit all the hills on the first three holes. (We think he liked the view). Cleveland launcher comes good later in the round, and the fellow has his revenge on each of his comrades along the way.
Gazebo's driver starts to warm up, and a par at the 8th has the chap smiling. LT and Alice finish the front 9 with 40, with 3 birdies between them. LT wondering how something less that 5 putts could have helped that score !.
The 10th hole bites 3 of the golfers where it hurts, with Alice wondering what the hell was going on. Three buddies with lost balls in the rough out to the right, with 'mr Fade' in the middle of the fairway.
From there, Alice pressed home his advantage, Lord Taylor faltered, Gazebo found more of his drives going to the correct fairway, and Pelletier looked lovely at his new Cleveland Hi Bore and asked it if he could please give him a shot that was right.. on the 16th tee, it delivered, 160 yards forward uphill (and 50 yards.. à la droite)
Honours go to Alice for the day, although a birdie short of LT, had significantly less putts than he or Gazebo, collecting some loonies to spend on the beach next weekend...
Pelletiers naming will be given by democracy. The three nominations are....
1. Clouseau (searching for his balls in the grass required keen investigative techniques)
2. Monsieur la Droite (Mr Right, because he's such a fine chap, and nothing related to his drive direction)
3. Hi Bore (Because I like a driver that sounds like its a power drill.. and Robin's got one!)
your votes please !.
Saturday April 11th - Vaudreuil is Open!
All ready to drive south for week 2 on the Tour, but NO!... Alice finds Vaudreuil open already !. A quick drive down the 20 off the island, or a 1/2 drive from downtown for Grand-Par, making his season debut along with Papa Hicks, another Slamma veteran keen to bring his new skills to the Montreal golfing public (courses). LT and Alice make up the foursome, and a 7.30am arrival has the plucky hackers looking forward to the first tee.
Out of bounds off the tee for GP and LT, a hack along the right trees for Papa Hicks, and an opening four putt for Alice has the first hole pushed for the better ball pairs competition. The ground is feeling firm underfoot despite the recent rain. Alice points out that this is due to ground being frozen, and as the temperature warms, the players will not be able to spend long over the ball if they want to see their shoes again.
LT is trying out a new swing following a lesson. unfortunately the instructor seems to have kept it at the driving range, as it didn't make it to the course. Alice puts 2 balls out of bounds on the 10th, and wishes the draw he found on the 3rd hole could have been saved until then .Grand Par's best drives are the ones that hurt his shoulder the most. His facial expressions are now confusing, with a happy look on his bad drives, and an unhappy look when he hits a drive most would be proud of (Tiger is the only other player known to do this). Papa Hicks calm demeanor and concentration impresses the group. (or perhaps its just him not giving a .... if he's great or not.. 4 kids at home.. he's just happy to be out!) .
The game goes too and fro until Grand Par and LT go one up with one to play.. and seal the deal on the 18th green.. Good finish.. and the prize is a coupon for a a free round back at Vaudreuil !!.. woo hoo!.
Discussion already underway for next weeks Tour event. Alice has the weekend to himself, so could be a double header !!
Out of bounds off the tee for GP and LT, a hack along the right trees for Papa Hicks, and an opening four putt for Alice has the first hole pushed for the better ball pairs competition. The ground is feeling firm underfoot despite the recent rain. Alice points out that this is due to ground being frozen, and as the temperature warms, the players will not be able to spend long over the ball if they want to see their shoes again.
LT is trying out a new swing following a lesson. unfortunately the instructor seems to have kept it at the driving range, as it didn't make it to the course. Alice puts 2 balls out of bounds on the 10th, and wishes the draw he found on the 3rd hole could have been saved until then .Grand Par's best drives are the ones that hurt his shoulder the most. His facial expressions are now confusing, with a happy look on his bad drives, and an unhappy look when he hits a drive most would be proud of (Tiger is the only other player known to do this). Papa Hicks calm demeanor and concentration impresses the group. (or perhaps its just him not giving a .... if he's great or not.. 4 kids at home.. he's just happy to be out!) .
The game goes too and fro until Grand Par and LT go one up with one to play.. and seal the deal on the 18th green.. Good finish.. and the prize is a coupon for a a free round back at Vaudreuil !!.. woo hoo!.
Discussion already underway for next weeks Tour event. Alice has the weekend to himself, so could be a double header !!
Saturday April 4th - Race for the Border!
Alice is keen to get the season started. After a half joking comment from LT about when the season will start folling the Slamma.. Alice has already booked a tee time at international 2000! Montreal's legendary course that leads the opening of the season down near the Champlain US border crossing.
Enthusiams is light, the weather looks to be not too friendly. Alice puts this in perspective;
"I'll be wet.. I'll be cold... but HEY.. I'll be golfing !!"
LT , Dagenator and Alice, meet at an early hour, and with LTs car on autopilot, race to the course, getting there at 7.20am when the tee off is not until 8.00am ! The course is open.. the flags are fluttering on the gree... ah... umm.. maybe not quite green..
No practice range.. no putting.. straight on to the course.. who needs a warm up.. well.. We do apparently (LT and Dagenator anyway). Alice opens up with a couple of pars, this after the chaps decided that their second shots into the gree... brown on the second didn't count, as we had mistaken the 18th green for the 2nd.. Alice discusses a great statistic.. he had hit 3 greens in regulation on the first 2 holes!.
The game was.... fun.. with extra points being made for the largest splash-down in the fairway. Casual water rule was abandoned for the game, as this would have meant moving the ball to somewhere south of Pittsbugh to get a dry lie.
Dagenator demonstrates his new 3/4 swing, which is actually a full swing. Regardless, he's playing well. Alice picks up a skin on the first hole, then LT and dagenator take over, with around 5 skins each going into the back 9. it looks all over for Alice.. but NO.. the gritty player shows the determination of his Maple Leafs trying to skate without falling over, and puts in a back 9 worthy of a champ.. stealing the last brace of skins to win the match. LT is upset , leaving his game somewhere on the 14th fairway after playing out of a stream (successfully!) . Dagenators AWESOME drives left him wondering what he has to do to win. Alice reverts to the smug smile we know so well.
Mug of hot tea and a snack at Tim Hortons on the way back, and only then did it start to rain. The opening game a success, and excellent practice for playing through water hazards for the season to come!
Enthusiams is light, the weather looks to be not too friendly. Alice puts this in perspective;
"I'll be wet.. I'll be cold... but HEY.. I'll be golfing !!"
LT , Dagenator and Alice, meet at an early hour, and with LTs car on autopilot, race to the course, getting there at 7.20am when the tee off is not until 8.00am ! The course is open.. the flags are fluttering on the gree... ah... umm.. maybe not quite green..
No practice range.. no putting.. straight on to the course.. who needs a warm up.. well.. We do apparently (LT and Dagenator anyway). Alice opens up with a couple of pars, this after the chaps decided that their second shots into the gree... brown on the second didn't count, as we had mistaken the 18th green for the 2nd.. Alice discusses a great statistic.. he had hit 3 greens in regulation on the first 2 holes!.
The game was.... fun.. with extra points being made for the largest splash-down in the fairway. Casual water rule was abandoned for the game, as this would have meant moving the ball to somewhere south of Pittsbugh to get a dry lie.
Dagenator demonstrates his new 3/4 swing, which is actually a full swing. Regardless, he's playing well. Alice picks up a skin on the first hole, then LT and dagenator take over, with around 5 skins each going into the back 9. it looks all over for Alice.. but NO.. the gritty player shows the determination of his Maple Leafs trying to skate without falling over, and puts in a back 9 worthy of a champ.. stealing the last brace of skins to win the match. LT is upset , leaving his game somewhere on the 14th fairway after playing out of a stream (successfully!) . Dagenators AWESOME drives left him wondering what he has to do to win. Alice reverts to the smug smile we know so well.
Mug of hot tea and a snack at Tim Hortons on the way back, and only then did it start to rain. The opening game a success, and excellent practice for playing through water hazards for the season to come!
TGATour Blog Welcome !
Welcome to the Blog of the TGA Tour!
This blog is the official recording of the year long tour born from the 'Tarnish Cup', the annual event held each September. The 'Tarnished Golfers Ass-sociation' was formed to carry the spirit of 'The Tarney' into the regular weekly game. This will be your regular spot for catching up on the weekends golfing events on the TGA Tour.
Following the success of the Alabama Slamma blog, this blog will attempt to chart the highs and lows, successes (few) and failures (many) of the TGA Tour players, as they try and get some game together in the 2009 season.
The Slamma players have retained their pseudonyms, with additional players gaining their stripes on their first event played. The recorded 09 TGA Tour players are as follows....
Duncan ‘LT’ Taylor
Donald ‘Dagenator’ Dagenais
Michael ‘Alice’ Holland
Glenn ‘Gazebo’ Eady
Norman ‘Roofer’ Mackay
Richard ‘Grand-Par’ Bosworth
Stuart ‘Almost Aussie’ Mitchell
Dave ‘Papa Hicks’ Vijh
The Tour awaits the arrival of quality players such as... errrr... ok.. and also !.. Barthakur, Couture, Pelletier, Creamer, Stangle, Carveth, Smith and maybe even Lester!. Watch this blog for their opening rounds, and inaugural naming ceremonies (hehe)
Although unlikely to be playing too many events on the tour, 'Almost' is made an honorary member of the TGA tour, with early plans for a 'Mitchell Invitational' under discussion.
The TGA Tour players hope you enjoy the read as much as they enjoy playing their way into a contribution !..
Also, follow the progress of the TGA tour players at OOBGOLF.COM. links to the player stats (or at least, those who are expected to be recording their nightmares) are in the side bar on the right.
Watch this space !
Regards... LT
This blog is the official recording of the year long tour born from the 'Tarnish Cup', the annual event held each September. The 'Tarnished Golfers Ass-sociation' was formed to carry the spirit of 'The Tarney' into the regular weekly game. This will be your regular spot for catching up on the weekends golfing events on the TGA Tour.
Following the success of the Alabama Slamma blog, this blog will attempt to chart the highs and lows, successes (few) and failures (many) of the TGA Tour players, as they try and get some game together in the 2009 season.
The Slamma players have retained their pseudonyms, with additional players gaining their stripes on their first event played. The recorded 09 TGA Tour players are as follows....
Duncan ‘LT’ Taylor
Donald ‘Dagenator’ Dagenais
Michael ‘Alice’ Holland
Glenn ‘Gazebo’ Eady
Norman ‘Roofer’ Mackay
Richard ‘Grand-Par’ Bosworth
Stuart ‘Almost Aussie’ Mitchell
Dave ‘Papa Hicks’ Vijh
The Tour awaits the arrival of quality players such as... errrr... ok.. and also !.. Barthakur, Couture, Pelletier, Creamer, Stangle, Carveth, Smith and maybe even Lester!. Watch this blog for their opening rounds, and inaugural naming ceremonies (hehe)
Although unlikely to be playing too many events on the tour, 'Almost' is made an honorary member of the TGA tour, with early plans for a 'Mitchell Invitational' under discussion.
The TGA Tour players hope you enjoy the read as much as they enjoy playing their way into a contribution !..
Also, follow the progress of the TGA tour players at OOBGOLF.COM. links to the player stats (or at least, those who are expected to be recording their nightmares) are in the side bar on the right.
Watch this space !
Regards... LT
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